Innocence Lost
by Zosie
Summary: How did Isabella Swan lose her virginity?Twice?Edward Cullen knows.How did Edward Cullen progress from manwhore to celibate?Bella Swan knows.A redemption, a love story, a virgin birth,rated M for lemons and language.
1. Chapter 1

Innocence Lost

Arrival Chapter 1.

Charlie pulled up at his house in the police cruiser, and I sighed with relief that the trip was over. Even though he was my dad and I loved him dearly, we seldom had much to say to one another. I was just as quiet and closed off as he was, I wasn't surprised Renee, my mother, had found life with the two of us too quiet and boring and had taken off for greener pastures when I was just a baby. She had come back and reclaimed me when I was five years old.

Renee had astounded everyone ,after several years of living fast and free and having multiple boyfriends,when she had joined a religious cult .I had been raised in a virtual nunnery, no boys older than five had been allowed on the compound. Once the male babies had passed the toddler stage and hit the milestone of their fifth birthday, they were taken tearfully from their mothers arms, and down to the male compound, to be then raised by their fathers. Married couples chose to live apart in this cult and only got together for reasons of procreation, at a small building located in "no man's land" between the two compounds. Girls were raised and schooled with no contact of males, and God and Jesus were the only males we ever heard about. I had never felt like I fitted in but nobody ever asked me what I wanted from life, I was just a pawn to be moved about at my mothers whims.

The only contact with males from when I was five until now had been during the month I spent with Charlie each year. Renee had not wanted this but Charlie had insisted and threatened to take her to court and to fight for custody of me if she didn't agree, so she had reluctantly put me on a plane each year and sobbed with relief when I returned unharmed four weeks later. This year it was all to be different. I had turned sixteen ten months ago and finally I had a choice and I sure as Hell was not choosing life in the cult with my madly religious mother. I would have loved to leave on my actual birthday but I knew Renee would never allow that, so I had waited impatiently for my annual escape to normalcy to make my case to my father. My tastes of normality and freedom at Charlie's had left no doubt in my mind, I was not going back this time. Charlie and I had discussed this on the trip home. He had been shocked and surprised, but he was a man of few words and he had agreed immediately that I could live with him from now on and he was quite happy to ring Renee and let her know of my decision. I knew I was being a coward , hiding behind Charlie, but no way was Renee releasing her tears and tantrums and guilting me to return.

I had met Charlie's second wife, Sue, several years ago. She was a widow and had two teenage children. Leah and Seth, twins only six months older than myself. They had been born and raised on the Rez until Harry, their father, had died of a heart attack, and then Sue and Charlie had fallen in love and married three years ago. Leah was thrilled with her new life , away from the Rez,and attended the local Forks High School with Seth, where I would also be doing my last two years of high school. I couldn't wait.

I got out of the car and looked at the door, Sue and Leah were standing there,smiling at me .Lets see if they remain this welcoming when they find out I am not here for a holiday but as a permanent member of their family. Leah ran towards me and grabbed me into a hug.

"Welcome home, sis" she cried in excitement. I hoped I wouldn't disrupt her life too much. I loved Leah, she was everything I wasn't, outgoing, confident, popular, attractive. Beside her, I was shy, clumsy, dowdy, plain and had little self confidence.

"Seth, help me with Bella's bags, boy" called Charlie. Seth appeared from nowhere and I gasped in surprise. Where was the scrawny boy I had left here last year? He was at least six foot tall and ruggedly handsome and his build stunned me. What on Earth had they been feeding this boy/man?

Seth ran to me, lifting me off my feet in a bear hug, and he swung me around and laughed at my stunned face. He planted a loud kiss on my forehead and put me back on my feet. I couldn't speak.

Sue laughed and told Seth to behave.

"Welcome,Bella, it's so good to have you here again."

I hugged her and smiled shyly.

"We have some news" Charlie piped up."Bella is going to be staying , permanently. She doesn't want to live with Renee any longer and now she is sixteen, she has the right to choose."

Leah squealed with glee and rushed back to my side.

"I am so glad to hear that, Bella, " she cried. "We will be real sisters, finally". She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the house and straight upstairs. We had shared a bedroom each year since she moved in and there were still twin beds in our room. The room had been redecorated since last year. We now had a bright purple feature wall and three paler lilac walls, our bed covers were lilac with purple patterns, the floor was polished wood, gleaming shiny in the sunlight that poured from the large bay window. Our curtains were gauzy and purple and did little to stop the suns rays. However, here in Forks, sunny days were rare so that wouldn't be a problem. Various cushions and rugs were scattered throughout the room. My old rocking chair was still in the corner but it now shone in purple gloss paint. Some of Leah's many clothes were tossed onto it. Our adjoining bathroom had been refitted and we now shared a bright , modern purple bath, shower stall and toilet suite. A double basin vanity took up one wall, overlooked by a large mirror with lights across the top. Leah's make up was strewn from one end of the vanity to the other. Not that it mattered, I had no make up. My "vanity items" consisted of a hair brush and a toothbrush. Renee believed in the simple basics.

I sat down at the vanity and Leah looked me over critically.

"Okay, if you are now my fulltime sister and going to hang with my friends, you need a makeover" she said .Leah was not known for her tact.

Sue had followed us in and she started playing with my waist length plain brown hair.

"Don't worry, Bella, I will take you to beauty salon tomorrow and you won't recognize yourself once they are finished with you. Carmen and Eleazer are very talented and they will have you waxed and plucked and a style and color in your hair, you will be stunning in no time. You have such a pretty face, we just need to show you off at your best".

I gulped. Nobody had ever touched my hair. It had just been trimmed by Renee once a year on the ends. I had never set foot into a beauty salon.

"And then we hit the Mall" chimed in Leah. She knew my clothes were basic and unadorned. I always borrowed hers during my visits so I wouldn't stand out like a pumpkin amongst the roses. Her friends were all dressed up trendy and tastefully.

The next morning dawned clear and crisp. We had to be at the salon by nine o'clock so Sue cooked us pancakes for breakfast and I hit the shower. I stood looking at myself in the mirror, naked and assessed my body. I was slim, shapely, my breasts weren't large but they fit my frame, I had a decent enough figure. It was just usually hidden under plain baggy clothes.

I hurriedly dressed in the outfit Leah had left on my bed for me, and raced downstairs. I was starting a new life and that meant new clothes, new look, new Bella. I was excited for the first time in years.

By the time we got back home, I was exhausted but thrilled. I ran upstairs and stood in front of the mirror again. I wished someone had taken some "Before" photos, because I was pretty happy with the "After". My hair had been cut in layers, red highlights that shone in the sun had been added, my face now wore a fine coat of make up, making me look older and, dare I even say it, pretty!

I went back into our bedroom. Leah was tipping clothes out of the many bags. Designer jeans galore, little tops in a rainbow of colors, sweaters, a new red jacket, scarves, hats, gloves, two denim jackets,one cute and cropped above my waist, with matching pale blue faded designed destroyed jeans. It had seemed crazy to me, to pay so much for clothes that looked years old and worn to shreds almost, but Leah had assured me, that was the Look at the moment and who was I to argue? It's not like I had any idea about fashion. The other denim jacket was dark wash and to the waist. It seemed more practical to me. A dozen vintage T shirts from a little shop Seth had found and adored. To my surprise, he had dragged me in and grabbed whichever he felt cool enough for me. I had never been "cool" so had been surprised at the growing pile he had selected. Charlie had been happy to pay for whatever I wanted so I had shopped until I dropped. Sue had insisted I get several dresses, not that I wanted to ever be stuck in a dress again, but I went along with it and she was satisfied with several pretty full skirted frocks that could come in handy, maybe. Shoes was Leah's department, in no time I was tottering about in heels I would never have dreamed of trying on, let alone buying. Sue had insisted on some more sensible choices as well, so I came out pretty happy. Having money spent on me was a new experience but I loved it. My former wardrobe had been practical skirts to my ankles, and modest button shirts, all in neutral colors to ensure we caught no boys eye, not that we ever saw a boy.

I felt like a butterfly with my new clothes. I would never be able to choose what to wear each day but I knew Leah would be happily matching up my outfits for school and anywhere else she dragged me. She had told me excitedly during the day when we were alone, about her new friends she had met since changing high schools, and she loved the new company she kept at school now. She had her eye on a boy named Tyler and had warned me off him. I had laughed. Like a boy, Tyler or otherwise, would look at me, with the stunning Leah at my side. We had run into two girls from Leah's school, and Leah had been glad Sue and Charlie were at another shop when it happened. She introduced me to them, Lauren and Jess, and hurriedly explained after we left them, that it may be best not to mention the encounter to the parents. Apparently Jess and Lauren were unsuitable friends for Leah so she only hung with them at school. I was intrigued and wondered what made them so unsuitable? Leah didn't have time to explain further.

We had a full month before the new school year began. Seth and I decided to hang out together. Our days were mainly spent at the Rez, hanging with Seth's friends, while Leah went to work at the local diner. It was the only way she could hang with Jess and Lauren, who both worked there in the holidays.

Seth introduced me to his many friends, and I realized he was no where near as happy as his sister to have moved from here, and changed schools. I was sorry for Seth, I didn't see why Sue and Charlie insisted he attend Forks High when he had been happy and doing well at his old school, it was only a few miles further from our house and he had his own jeep.

One boy I had known since I was a baby, Jacob Black, found me minutes after we arrived on the first visit. He was amazed and couldn't believe it was really me and he was thrilled I was going to be living with Charlie permanently now. I remembered him but like Seth, it was hard to reconcile this man before me as the skinny lanky kid from last year. He was well over six feet tall, had long shiny black hair, and the whitest teeth ever. His muscular build was impressive, I spent many days admiring it through the safety of my sunglasses. His dad Billy is Charlie's best friend so Charlie had no objection at all for me to spend every day out with Seth and Jacob. Their other friends accepted me readily into their circle and I felt at home immediately. Billy would often feed us all at his little red barnlike house, he would grill up some steaks outside and I would assemble salad and bread in his little kitchen. Charlie sent parcels of fresh steaks with us most days, he had seen these boys eat plenty of times and knew they would eat Billy out of house and home in no time. Sue baked cakes and muffins daily so we never arrived empty handed.

It became obvious fairly quickly that Jake wanted to be more than just friends. I had no idea how to handle that. I had rarely spoken to any boy except him and Seth, and it had always been a few shy conversations in front of my father or theirs. This was new and different. I was pretty sure I would like Jake to be my first boyfriend, though I had no idea what that would entail. Kissing?Holding hands? I already held hands with most of the Rez boys, they were all friendly and like brothers to me. I knew Jake wanted to be my special friend.

Seth noticed and started to tease us.

"Bella's got a boyfriend" he would chant whenever Jake and I held hands, and I found myself blushing furiously.

"Bella's got a dozen boyfriends" retorted Jarad, one of the other boys."We all love her so she is girlfriend to each and every one of us. We have to share."

They ended up drawing straws to see who my "top Seven " would be. How Jake decided I could have seven boyfriends he never explained but he felt more than that was just "too slutty". Jake was, of course, boyfriend #1. This meant he could hold my hand anytime he wanted .

This became our joke, Bella and her Seven Boyfriends. They would jostle with each other to be the one holding my other hand or sitting next to me at lunch. I found myself loosening up and becoming use to male company and even started to playfully return the kisses they placed on my forehead, with kisses to their cheeks. Whoever was nicest to me that day, got a kiss on each cheek as we left of an afternoon.

The boys were obsessed with my safety. I was eager to join in and learn all their activities, my favorites being cliff diving and riding the old motorbikes Jake and Paul had meticulously rebuilt. Jake carried on like he was my father. I had to be fully padded up, helmet, leather jacket and pants, proper boots, before I was allowed anywhere near the bikes.

At first I was only allowed on as a pillion passenger, behind Sam or Jake or Mark, the three best riders. Even when they decided I knew enough to ride alone, Paul would ride along side on the second bike, keeping pace exactly with me, shouting instructions as we rode. "Are you safe, Bella? Are you okay?" I always replied."Yes, we are safe". I never felt the slightest hint of danger with my boys looking out for me.

Cliff diving looked like a challenge but much of the fun was drained out by "keeping Bella safe". Jake would jump with me, holding my hand. Jarad and Paul would wait below, having jumped first, ready to swim after me should any danger occur. Sam would watch from above, posed to dive after us should the need arrive. The constant call between them was,"Is Bella Safe?".It became their mantra.

Jake was asking me constantly, whatever we did, wherever we went "Are we safe, Bella? Does this place seem threatening in any way?".Our hikes through the forests were the same, I had to be completely kitted out in hiking gear, I had a boy attached to each hand so I wouldn't trip and fall, one or the other would ask if I even slightly tripped "Are we safe, Bella? Any damage?'. I knew they were just concerned for me, they knew this was a whole new life and I had never experienced the freedom I now had, so I suppose it was only to be expected they would see danger everywhere. It was sweet and totally unexpected. I felt like a precious jewel.

Sam had a new puppy but that dog grew like a weed. One day to the next he seemed to double in weight and size. He ate everything in sight ,and jumped enthusiastically on everyone, including me, so even that harmless activity was laced with "Are you safe, Bella? Is he hurting you, Bella?". Maybe I wasn't a precious jewel, maybe I was made of delicate china or glass. Sam became convinced the dog was part werewolf. He ended up quite massive by the end of the month. The boys took to calling him "Pony" as he was now that size.

All too soon, the holidays were over. I knew I would miss my "boyfriends" company so much, now it would be restricted to weekends.

Monday morning arrived, dull and gray. Leah was already showered and had set out my outfit for the day, dark washed skinny jeans, jacket and a vintage Beatles T shirt. I hurriedly showered and washed my hair and she blew it dry for me. It hung in soft waves to my waist still, but was now in layers that sat way prettier than the former too thick heavy thatch. I loved the highlights of color. It used to be so dull, now the peeks of reddish gold shone and made even the plain brown bits look exciting by comparison. Leah helped me with my make up, keeping it light and sparse and simple. My eyes looked amazing, no longer dull pools of mud, they now shone like melted chocolate, against the smoky contrast of eye shadow. A little lip gloss and I was good to go. I was too excited to eat breakfast and happy to jump into Leah's car and speed off to my new school. Seth drove himself in his jeep. He parked way down the other end of the car park ,much to my amusement. Leah led me to the office and I received my schedule and a school map. I was in a few of Leah's classes, and a few of Seth's .

They didn't share any classes together. By choice. The only class I had neither in was Biology. I could handle that. One single class alone.

We met up with Jess and Lauren and sat with them until the bell went and we trooped into our first lesson. It was painless and easy, with Leah's guidance, and the day flew by. I met many of her friends but had no chance of remembering all their names. In English, Leah sat beside me and asked me to look at all the boys and guess which one was Tyler. I looked them over carefully. They were a new species to me, I had so rarely been in the company of any boy except for the Rez boyfriends and Seth. I pointed out several better looking specimens and bingo, yes, I choose the right one. Tyler was a handsome boy and I was looking forward to meeting him.

My last class of the day was Biology but it turned out Lauren was in my class so I walked along to the lab with her. She already had a partner so I couldn't sit at her table but I drew comfort from knowing she was in the same room. She and Jess seemed quite happy for me to sit at their table at lunch with Leah and included me in most of their conversations . They seemed like a group of three solid friends and spent all the time they could together.

Jess was mooning over a boy named Mike who apparently was unsure if he wanted a permanent girlfriend. Jess seemed upset at that though Lauren pointed out, Jess would have to keep"restricting" her "other activities" if Mike indeed became her boyfriend. Jess assured us, it would be worth it. They were still somewhat guarded with me, I had no idea what these other activities were.

The three girls were very popular, boys grinned and smiled and called out to them all the time, between class and at lunch. Often, either Leah or Lauren would go off for a "quick private chat" with one boy or the other, and return all smiles. The other two would ask how the conversation had gone and their usual answer was "most satisfactorily, for both of us" or even more cryptically, "Well, he had a good chat but I didn't get much out of the conversation" and the two would sympathize, and often suggest cutting that boy from their list of friends they chatted with. Many of the boys seemed surprised Jess wasn't chatting. Some of the boys asked if I was up for a chat, but the girls jumped in quickly and told them I didn't do chat. Whatever. I am sure eventually I would find friends of my own that I could chat to, anyway, these three girls has plenty to talk about to me, so I was perfectly happy how things were.


	2. Chapter 2

Innocence Lost

Biology

Chapter 2

Bella POV

When we entered the lab, Lauren went straight to her desk and I walked to the front of the room to hand my schedule to the teacher, Mr Banner. He gave me the textbook I would need and showed me to my lab table. I was feeling shy as every eye in the class was on me, and at first I didn't look at my lab partner. When I finally sat and glanced at him, I almost swallowed my tongue. He was simply, the most beautiful human I had ever laid eyes on. He was tall, strongly built but not overly muscular, firm chiseled jaw, the greenest eyes I had ever seen and the hair, the hair was wild! Straight, untidy, bronze is the nearest color to the shade it was, it stuck out in every direction and looked like half a dozen girls had run their fingers through it. Sign me up, I want to join that list!

Where on earth did that thought come from?

I let my hair hang to hide my madly blushing cheeks, and peered through its curtain. He was looking at me, and I heard him inhale sharply and hold his breath.

I wasn't sure why he reacted like that but I sneaked little looks at him throughout the lesson. The boy/man was a Greek God. He seemed to be looking at me each time I looked. I glanced around the room. Suddenly I caught Laurens furious gaze, boring into me. What the heck? What was her problem?

Mr Banner left the room for a few minutes and I heard the chair beside me scrape closer. I looked up and the Godlike creature smirked at me and held out his hand.

"Hello. I am Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you".

I struggled to find my voice, and had to think hard, what was my name again?Oh yeah, Bella Swan.

"Hi, I am Isabella Swan" I managed to mumble. Isabella?Why did I say Isabella? Oh well at least I didn't say another name entirely.

"So, you are new to Forks?" he asked.

"Um, yeah, I am living my my dad and step mum, Charlie and Sue".

"Oh, that makes you Leah's sister then?" he replied.

"Um, yes, it does".

"So, I know Leah well. Do you like to chat as well?" he inquired.

What is it with the chatting?Don't all girls like to chat? Maybe these girls at Forks are the silent type? Whatever. I was not missing this chance to speak for myself, with no Leah or Lauren or Jess to jump in and speak for me.

"Yes, Edward, I like to chat. Especially with the likes of you". OMG, where did that come from?Clearly my brain to mouth filter had fallen by the wayside.

"Good. I will look forward to that. Have you chatted to any of the other boys at school here yet?" he wondered aloud.

"No, you will be the first" I sighed. Like the three amigos were going to let me talk to their male friends.

Suddenly his interest was sparked and he moved even closer to me.

"So, Isabella, tell me all about yourself. Do you have a boyfriend?"

I laughed at that question.

"Technically, I have seven" I joked" but they all live on the Rez so I will only see them on weekends from now on"

"Good, good. So, will you sit with me at lunch in future and promise not to chat to any other boys until we get to know each other better?" he asked with a sly grin.

What? This Greek God wanted to sit with me? And get to know me better? I was a little confused about the not chatting to other boys bit, but, whatever. I couldn't believe any other boy could be as gorgeous as this one. He wanted first dibs? Fine with me.

"Sure, Edward" I promised, smiling at him broadly. Thank the Gods for Sue and Leah and makeovers and new clothes. I knew without a doubt the likes of Edward Cullen would not have even noticed the old Bella Swan. And I decided I liked him calling me Isabella. Nobody else did, it could be our Thing. As we chatted and got to know each other. Hmm. I was going to enjoy Forks High.

As class ended, Edward caught up my hand and kissed my knuckles.

"Don't forget your promise, Isabella. See you tomorrow. At lunch. Just you, leave the other three to their chatting".

"Sure, see you then" I answered.

I looked to find Lauren and find out what her problem was but she was gone already. I saw Edward catch her up way ahead of me and she seemed upset as they spoke heatedly to each other. I turned the other direction and headed to the car park to ride home with Leah. It had been an exciting day.

Edward POV.

Fuck. Another boring year at Forks High had begun. I looked around the biology lab.

Done her, done her, done her many times and now bored with her, done her.,not worth a redo,done her.....

Lauren walked in...where was I..done Lauren, many times, a time too many, she had tried the old "but I love you Edward" crap so she was off my list, no chatting with the clingy, my very first rule.

After Lauren, I had mostly restricted myself to single chat sessions, I didn't need the crap so it was best to just do them once and move on but Forks was a tiny town and I was fast running out of new options. I had to restrict myself to girls aged sixteen and over, or as we called them, legal...and it was starting to look like I had done them all. I would have to start looking at the fifteen nearly sixteen brigade who had been "broken in" while still underage,and watch for their birthdays. I did not do underage and I don't do virgins, let someone else do the messy bit ,the hard work, then pass them on to me.

I had my two regulars, my permanent fuckbuddy, Tanya, who thought of herself as my girlfriend, like Edward Cullen wanted or needed a girlfriend. I didn't bother correcting her because I needed a regular, permanent supply of willing sex and Tanya was none too bright and made no demands on me other than the boyfriend charade. She knew I would never do exclusive, not until I had done every other female here anyway.

And Jess was my other endless supplier. Jess was fortunately enamored with Mike Newton so she was happy to chat with me whenever I wanted and never gave a second thought to any sort of relationship crap. The fact that she called out "Mike" as she came bothered me not at all, I was the one getting her off and getting off in her, I found the whole "Mike" thing like a security blanket, in fact, if she ever yelled "Edward" instead, that would end our chats.

Mr banner was walking towards my table and I noticed at last the girl half hidden behind him.

Wow. New meat! And tasty looking meat at that.

She sat at my table and immediately blushed and dropped her long brown hair between us like a curtain. Darn. I wanted a better look. I peered over at her. She was peeking back at me but looked away as I caught her. I caught my breath when I saw her deep chocolate eyes. They seemed to draw me in. Mr Banner left the room so I wasted no time introducing myself.

Isabella Swan. Chief Swan's daughter.

Seven boyfriends...was that her way of telling me she had only been with seven boys? Or that she was currently chatting with seven boys? More likely. Seven was cool. I often did seven girls a week. Especially in the holidays when freaking Tanya went away to visit her family in Alaska and so was unavailable, like now.

This year, she was staying an extra few weeks. Bitch. Thinks of nobody but herself. Some uncle was coming in from Russia but couldn't arrive until last week so they were staying the whole three weeks he was there. So, for the next two weeks I had very few options.

Jess was on chat strike, she was making a big effort to hook Mike and decided hook ups were preventing him stepping up, so she was a born again virgin at the moment.

I knew it wouldn't last but why the fuck now of all times? I was not resorting back to Lauren, even if she so obviously expected me to. So, Miss Freshmeat Isabella was looking good. And eager to chat, to me. And she was restricting her chatting to the Rez boys so far so I would be her first here at Forks High.

I wondered if she would be interested in making it a regular thing. Normally there would be no appeal being boyfriend number eight but the Rez kids didn't count here at Forks. I could be her Numero Uno. Maybe her only chatter. If I got in quick and secured my place and put the idea to her. I had to act now.

I got her agreement to sit with me at lunch tomorrow and quickly headed out to find Emmett and Jasper. I would be warning those fuckers to keep their hands of Isabella until at least after I had chatted her.

I headed away from the carpark, I knew they would be behind the pavilion, grabbing a cigarette before heading home. Bloody Lauren caught up with me and had a bitchfest over Isabella. Tried to tell me she didn't chat and to leave her alone and she herself would be more than willing to fill in for Tanya. Transparent liar. I had it from Isabella's mouth herself, she did chat and she had seven chatters. So Lauren could fuck off and leave me alone. Bitch.

I walked out to the pavilion and of course, Jaz and Emmett were smoking up a storm, but not regular cigarettes. These two fuckers were going to get caught and expelled, it was just a matter of time.

I was all for the odd smoke, but at school it was only ever regular cigarettes. God knows, the way the Headmaster carried on if he caught you, he made them sound like instruments of the Devil himself. God knows what he would do if he caught anyone with a spliff. I suggested they left school premises to continue and they laughed. Been at it a while then, boys? We made our way to the carpark. Emmett caught sight of Leah, who was sitting on her car hood, talking to Tyler Crowley.

"Hey, Tyler, want to come over and have a smoke?" asked Emmett, knowing Tyler had the best stash of us all. His parents traveled and brought home the most interesting souvenirs, many exotic flavors. Tyler jumped at the chance. He hero worshiped Emmett and was always trying to get accepted into our group. Once Tyler agreed, Leah suddenly became really keen to join us too. That meant Isabella would have to come as well, so I was all for that. I looked at Isabella, sitting alone in the backseat of Leah's car, reading our assigned novel, Wuthering Heights.

"Bella, call Sue and tell her we are going to Alice Cullen's to study" called Leah through the window. Isabella looked up, confused, clearly she had no idea who my sister Alice was. Alice had yet to start the new year at Forks, she was off visiting my aunt and would be back in a few days. Of course, Sue wouldn't know that.

Isabella talked sweetly for a few minutes then shut the phone. She looked up and blushed when she saw me watching her.

"Sue wants us home by seven" she quietly told Leah.

I threw my car keys to Emmett, and got into Leah's back seat, next to Isabella. She smiled and blushed again, but was saved from having to speak when Tyler and Leah got in the front seat and off we went. Tyler told us about a new batch of weed his dad got in Amsterdam, and we were all looking forward to trying it. Isabella looked apprehensive. Hmm, she didn't smoke? I would be happy to teach her. Nothing like a little weed to relax you and get rid of your inhibitions. Jasper and Emmett followed in my silver Volvo. I didn't usually let anyone else drive it but needs must. I was going to concrete my claim on Miss Swan as quickly as possible, before some other player got her first.

We drove up the driveway and checked for cars. My parents, Carlisle and Esme, both worked and were rarely home before eight pm so we were in the clear. I unlocked the front door and we all trooped in, straight downstairs into the basement which had been divided into two rooms. On the left was the media room, with a projector tv set up, and a row of seats along one wall.

The other room was a sound proofed music studio. Carlisle was all for encouraging us to play instruments,but he had no desire to have to listen to our efforts.

Our electric guitars and drum kit were set up in this room. Jasper virtually lived with us, so he had a bedroom here , up on the ground floor, next door to my older brother Emmett's room. My bedroom was on the third floor, our parents and Alice's bedrooms were on the second floor, along with several guest rooms.

I liked being isolated, and I am sure my parents were happy to be spared the various moans and screams that came from my room most nights. Tanya was a screamer, nobody wanted to be listening to that. Jess was more of a moaner.

My private balcony had a fire escape staircase so the girls had easy access to my room, located at the back of the house. No other room overlooked the backyard, so I was guaranteed privacy and nobody was aware of their comings and goings, unless one girl arrived when another was already here. That had happened a few times. Tanya was a bitch for turning up any damn time she pleased, and many a girl had been sent off semi naked when Tanya arrived unexpectedly. It was a risk you took for an Edward Cullen fucking. Most girls thought it was a risk worth taking. Tanya never hurt them, I wouldn't have allowed that, she just got pissed if some girl was taking up her side of my bed. I had pointed out to her many times, if she told me ahead what nights she planned to turn up, I would possibly keep that side vacant for her. I didn't enjoy drama. And a fuck was a fuck, I was quite happy to settle for Tanya most nights, she knew what I liked and was happy to comply. I just didn't want her getting too comfortable, and variety was the spice of life, so if there was ever new meat in town, for the holidays and such, there was always a new girl in my bed for one night at least. I usually rang Tanya and warned her to stay away when this happened. I had occasionally, had Tanya plus another girl in my bed at the same time but Tanya always kept careful score of exactly how many times I fucked the other girl,or worked her nipples with my tongue, and if I dared not do Tanya at least one time more, it was on. She could be a real bitch and never factored in my exhaustion. So I mainly stuck to fucking only one girl at a time. But with Tanya away, I had the freedom to do what I want.

I was imagining both Leah and Isabella sharing me tonight but I would have to get Tyler to leave for that to happen, and with the girls having to be home by 7pm, I couldn't quite figure out how to make it happen.

Tyler had shared out some of his stash and Emmett and Jas were out of their minds in no time. Isabella looked shocked and confused, clearly she had never seen anyone do drugs before. I took her up to my bedroom to be safe. She wandered around, looking at my music collection and my posters, as I sat on my bed and waited for her to come sit with me.

I smiled at her and patted for her to come sit beside me. She blushed and sat down ,leaving about four feet between us. I pulled her over and kissed her. She seemed quite breathless and I wondered how many of these boys she went with took the time to kiss her first. She seemed quite overcome. I kissed her again and slid my hand under her shirt, seeking her nipples and stroking them through her bra.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she gasped.

Goddammit .So these Quiluete boys were the straight to the main event types. Well, Edward Cullen shows his girls a good time and leads up to the fuck properly. I slid my other hand behind her back and undid her bra, then slid her shirt and bra off . I kept kissing her and she started to relax against me. I massaged her breasts and tweaked her nipples. She mewed in appreciation and I took that as a sign she enjoyed it. I moved my hand down south, and into her jeans. She jumped up and became quite flustered.

"Relax, sweetheart, I just want to show you a good time. I won't hurt you, you are safe with me" I assured her. She sat back down on the bed, and looked a little troubled so I returned my attention to her boobs and played with them. She relaxed again after a while, so I decided to talk her through the next stage.

"Isabella, you have such a beautiful body, and enjoying each others bodies is perfectly natural, can I please touch you some more?" I asked.

She smiled shyly and nodded her head. I stood her up and standing beside her, kissed her passionately and reached down to unzip her jeans. She stiffened and opened her eyes, but I rubbed small circles on her back, and kept kissing her and she relaxed again. I slid her jeans down her legs, and nudged her underwear aside and stroked gently along her slit. She stiffened again, so I stopped but she couldn't help herself, and she moved against my hand, so I continued. I opened her lower lips and eased a finger inside her. She seemed shocked, as was I. Seriously, she was letting boys fuck her with no foreplay? What was she thinking? It was almost as if no boy had touched her like this before. I laid her back across my bed and whispered that I was going to make her feel really nice, she would enjoy this, and to trust me, I would keep her safe. That seemed to do the trick. I moved another finger inside and she moaned louder, and rubbed against my hand. I placed my palm against her clit and rubbed her gently. She opened her eyes again, in shock mingled with pleasure. She moved automatically against my hand, urging me to move faster and harder, so I complied. She was writhing and overcome with the sensations, so I went for the kill, and frantically rubbed her clit, bringing her orgasm on . She shuddered and moaned loudly, and blushed from head to foot as she came. She stared at me like I was God, and suddenly I got it. She had never had an orgasm before. I was thoroughly confused. She was fucking seven boys, and getting nothing out of it herself? Why would she even let them touch her? I was all for free love, but I firmly believed it was a man's duty to get his girl off, and not just use her to achieve his own pleasure. What sort of idiots were these Quiluetes? She would be placing me way above them on her boyfriend ladder if what I suspected was true.

She was staring at me still, smiling but amazed and confused.

"Haven't you ever felt that before, Isabella?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"What happened to me, Edward? What did you do to me?"

Fuck.

"I gave you an orgasm, Isabella, I made you come. Hasn't any boy ever done that for you before?"

"Never" she whispered.

"Dd you like it?" I asked.

"Mmm, very much" she replied.

"Well, I am happy to do that for you anytime you want" I told her. I leaned in and kissed her sweetly. I was too shocked to even think about fucking her now.

"Can you do it again now?" she whispered shyly.

Fuck yes.

"I would be happy to, Isabella. Maybe if you take off your panties and lie back on my pillows and shut your eyes, we can have some real fun" I suggested.

She looked at me and the belief that I would keep her safe blew me away. I had never had a girl look at me with such trust before.

She slipped her panties off and lay back.

I paused for a minute. I had never actually put my mouth where I planned to on Isabella before. I knew enough about what was required, Emmett never shut up about his oral skills. But for some reason, I had to taste this girl. It was even more compelling than my need to fuck her.

I moved to between her legs and nudged them apart. I started kissing the inner thigh area on each leg, then moved my mouth to her hot sex and started to lick and suck. She stiffened for a moment when she realized what I was doing, but I continued and a moment later she reached down and forced my face closer. I smiled and stuck my tongue inside her, rubbing her clit with my hand. She moaned and writhed as I worked her and in no time she started to tense then shudder as her orgasm hit her again. I kept sucking her clit and kept it up for as long as I could, until she jerked away, unable to take the sensation overload any longer.

She tasted delicious. Fuck, I wonder if all girls taste this good. Honey, vanilla and something else, something all Isabella I suspected.

"Edward" she moaned in a voice that made my entire body tingle. She was putty in my hands, I could have continued and hit a home run there and then but watching her pleasure was somehow enough. She was so beautiful and trusting. She had just laid there and let me do it all, allowed me to take her to her high and ease her back down again, and the contented smile on her face was reward enough.

It was so different to when I had sex with Tanya, she would bark out orders like I was her personal play thing. "Harder, Eddie, no , not there, to the right, Goddamn it Edward, get it right. Yeah, thats better, faster, geez Tyler fucks better than you."

I shook her out of my head again. Disappear, bitch.

I gazed back at the beauty in my bed. Watching her come had been amazing and left me all warm and tingly.

Fuck, Cullen, what are you? A girl, clearly. When do you have sex for someone else's pleasure alone? Now. Apparently.

I didn't understand but somehow, it was enough, and I lay there with this beautiful, smiling girl in my arms and felt like a real man. Maybe it was knowing no other male had given her pleasure before like I had. I felt a tugging at my....heart?

We both drifted off to sleep and it was only when Jasper knocked loudly on my door, reminding me it was time for Isabella and Leah to leave, that it really hit me that I had let go an opportunity to fuck. I helped Isabella redress, and she smiled coyly at me again, and leaned up to kiss me. She really was the sweetest girl I had ever touched. I wanted to do this again, and soon. And maybe there would be something in it for me, next time. Jasper was waiting when I unlocked my door and we walked out. Isabella smiled shyly at Jasper, and he smiled warmly at her then gave me a harsh glance.

Jasper has been my sister Alice's boyfriend for the past three years and he is faithful and devoted to her. No exceptions. It never mattered how hammered he got on whatever drug of choice, he never strayed or looked at another girl. It was a waste of his youth but to each, his own and I would have punched him out if he cheated on Alice anyway. I knew what he was glaring about, he clearly saw Isabella as too good to join my stable of girls to fuck and ignore. Weirdly, that thought had already occurred to me. I shook my head, clearing it. No, Cullen, just fuck them and toss them aside, don't get caught up in feelings and shit like that.

I walked Isabella out to Leah's car. Leah was eating off Tyler's face, so I walked Isabella to the passenger side and opened the door for her, kissing her softly as she looked up at me.

"See you tomorrow, sweetheart" I heard myself say.

Sweetheart? Where the hell did that come from? I don't do cute names and endearments. Jesus, I usually called Tanya "Bitch". That's the closest I ever came to calling a girl by a nickname.

Leah finally detached herself from Tyler and drove away.

I went back to my room, went into the shower, and got rid of my erection myself. I remembered Isabella writing in pleasure from my touch and it took no time at all. I felt warm and fuzzy inside still. I didn't understand any of it. I went downstairs and made myself a spliff, and chilled out with Jasper and Emmett.

Bella POV

I have never in my life felt anything to compare to the pleasure Edward had given me with his fingers and mouth. I felt a little guilty, my mother had told me endlessly to never let any boy or man touch me in any way, but the feelings Edward made me feel were not, could not be, what she meant. He made me visit Heaven and want to stay there forever. I wanted him to do that again and again, every day, every night. I wanted more, I wanted to feel that joy and happiness and closeness and love, yes, love, again and again, for eternity.

Leah was looking at me, raising an eyebrow, asking me a question with her expression.

"So, what did you and Edward get up to, up in his room?" she asked.

"He, he touched me.....I have no idea what you call it, but he gave me an orgasm apparently, with his fingers then again with his mouth" I answered.

Leah made a sound like she was choking.

"Did he fuck you?" she crudely asked.

"Of course not, we aren't married" I answered, surprised Leah didn't know that type of activity was reserved for married couples. Hadn't Sue told her? Renee had drummed that into me from a very early age.

We drove home in silence.

As we pulled up, Leah turned to face me.

"You might not want to tell Charlie and Sue what you and Edward got up to. We were studying, don't forget. For our English assignment. With Alice. No boys in sight. Okay?"

"Okay" I agreed. I hoped it was a hard assignment and we would need plenty more study sessions.


	3. Chapter 3

Innocence Lost

Oh happy Days

Chapter 3.

Bella POV.

I could hardly wait for school the next day to see Edward again. As soon as Leah pulled up in the car park, Edward was at my door, opening it and helping me out. He gave me a smirk and kissed the top of my head.

"Good morning Isabella, how are you today?".

"Hmm, happy, happier now you are with me" I answered.

He laughed and put his arm around my waist and walked me to my first class.

After class, I almost ran out of the room but on exiting the door, I heard a deep chuckle and there was Edward, smiling and leaning against the wall.

"Hello, sweetheart, good class?" he asked.

"Edward, what are you doing here? Your next class is across the other side of the school. There's no way this was on your way".

He chuckled again and pulled me into his arms.

"I just needed to see you again, Isabella" he sighed.

He walked me to gym, kissed the top of my head again, and ran off to try to get to his own next class in time.

I watched him go until he was out of sight, then sighed and entered the gym for an hour's torture. Jess sidled up to me and I knew what was coming.

"Okay, Bella, spill. You and Edward. What's going on?"

"Nothing. We are just friends".

She snorted and looked at me in amazement.

"Edward Cullen has no female friends. Girls are simply a means to an end. An end he is quite keen on and wants often. But Edward does not do friends and he does not do girlfriends. Regardless of what you may hear. That skank likes to think she is more important to him than I am, but she is fooling herself".

I had no idea what she was babbling about.

"Whatever, Jess. Edward is a sweet boy and I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine. That is all I know, so that's all I can tell you".

"No, Bella, one thing Edward is not, is sweet. Have you given it up to him yet?"

"Do you mean, have we had sex? Not that it is any of your business, no we haven't".

"Okay, that may work for a little while. Make him work for it. Just remember, he is a player and he has a couple of weeks free before Skankho returns, so enjoy it while you can".

I decided to distract her.

"Any progress on the Mike front?" I asked.

"Oh Bella, he spoke to me in class this morning, he said he noticed I was no longer chatting with boys but he also said he doesn't like me hanging with Leah and Lauren, seeing they are chatting. Do you think I could hang out with you? You really shouldn't be hanging around them anyway. It just makes the boys think you are as willing and available as they are."

"Sure, Jess. I have a feeling I am not Laurens favorite person, I don't know what I did".

"What you did was spoil her plan to keep Edward chatting while this opportunity arose. And now here you are, taking up his time and not leaving him begging Lauren for a chat".

My God, these girls were a strange lot. Surely if Edward wanted to speak to Lauren any time, he would. He seemed to be avoiding her, if anything.

Jess seemed like an okay girl, and her company wasn't so bad. It wasn't like I had to sit with her at lunch. She informed me happily she had been invited to sit with Mike and his friends, so long as she kept up her side of "the bargain", whatever that meant. There were so many weird intrigues going on at this school. I didn't even try to work anything out. I didn't care what anyone else did, so long as they didn't try and involve me.

At lunch, Edward was sitting alone at a table and he waved me over. He had already bought lunch for us. On the tray were about eight different meals.

"I didn't know what you would like" he explained.

I selected a slice of pizza and an apple and a bottle of lemonade. He opened the bottle for me and played with the lid. He hardly ate anything himself but he seemed to like watching me eat.

He talked and joked and laughed at everything I said. I couldn't stop looking at him. He really was beautiful. Not a word usually applied to men, but none other seemed suitable or adequate. He questioned me endlessly. He seemed to want to know everything about me, every small, meaningless detail seemed to have some sort of meaning to him.

I was amazed how keen he was to spend time with me. Emmett and Jasper sat across the room with their other friends, but they seemed to keep a close eye on us. Sometimes Emmett looked so annoyed, I wondered what we had done to offend him.

His girlfriend, Rosalie, kept him in line, but she looked scary to me, I hoped I wouldn't have to speak to her.

Jasper spoke to me between classes and we had one class together. He sat next to me the next time we were in Spanish, and chatted to me in a happy and friendly manner. He talked endlessly about his girlfriend, Alice, Edward's sister. She sounded adorable and I could hardly wait to meet her. She would be back at school next week and it couldn't come fast enough for Jasper. The only downer was, Jasper kept warning me about becoming" too involved" with Edward. I appreciated him looking out for me but felt it was a little late to be warning me off. When we walked out of class together, Edward was waiting in the hallway yet again. His eyes narrowed and he shot Jasper a glare.

Jasper just stood up to him, and said"I really, really like Bella, Edward. Don't fuck with her".

I was sad that everyone seemed to be reacting this way. What had Edward done to make even his close friends have so little faith in him?

I guess I didn't want to know. Most people had a past and whatever he did was over now. I had no past myself but thats what happens when your mother locks you away from the world with a bunch of religious zealots. I hated that way of life, I hate the frenzy over religion, how the heck did they even know their beliefs were right? I preferred to keep an open mind and allow each person to have their own beliefs. I knew I was rebelling a little more than most but it seemed so good to be away from the preaching and indoctrinations.

The week continued as it had begun. Most days we went to "Alice's" to study, though on Tuesday Sue took me off for a diabetes test as Charlie had recently had one that showed a worrisome result.

Straight after Edward picked me up and took me to his house again.

. To his dismay, his mother Esme had taken time off work so she was home and we couldn't sneak away upstairs to be alone. Edward and I stayed downstairs and watched movies with the others. He huddled up close to me under a blanket and his lovely long fingers sought out various areas of my body and caused me endless pleasure. I had to bite into his shoulder to stop yelling out when his magic fingers made me experience such wonderful sensations, and keeping quiet while he made me orgasm was so hard, but he would dive his mouth onto mine as soon as he detected I was about to come, so I moaned into his mouth.

I had no idea if the others knew what we were doing. I suspect Emmett and Rosalie were getting up to exactly the same things. Jasper was choosing the movies and seemed to be involved in actually watching them, unlike the rest of us, who were simply using them as a cover for our actions beneath the blankets. He loved movies about the Civil War, so it wasn't like we wanted to watch anyway.

As the week progressed, I became more and more enamored with Edward. Much as everyone and his dog warned me off him and told me my time with him was limited, I didn't listen. I knew some boys only went with a girl for a set length of time, Tyler for example. He never dated a girl for more than a month, so Leah had decided to make her month with him memorable. She had told me she wasn't chatting any more, now it was just her and Tyler. What talking to other boys had to do with what she did with Tyler, I had no idea.

And I didn't care. I wasn't game to ask Edward what his time limit was. I knew if I knew my "use by" date, I would just be stressing out , waiting for it to come. This way, I could relax and enjoy my time with him, and when the end came, well, at least I would have enjoyed every single day.

The weekend came and Edward invited me out. We went to the mall at Port Angeles and went to the pier and walked along the beach, hand in hand. That night we went to a bonfire and once again, we were cuddling close together under a blanket, and I breathed out in relief when I felt his hand tug at my skirt, which I had chosen for its easy access. Yes, Edward was turning me into quite the tart. I wanted his hands on me, in me, rubbing on my most secret places. I wondered if he wanted me to do anything to him in return. I had zero experience but I was willing to learn. He sat back in shock the first time I rubbed his obvious erection through his jeans. He didn't tell me to stop, so I rubbed harder and he leaned to my ear and hissed. He seemed to enjoy it. I loosened his buttons and slid my hand down inside his jeans. His erection seemed enormous. I couldn't imagine how he fitted that inside any girl. He freed himself and allowed his penis to emerge out his fly, and I rubbed it up and down with my hand. He placed his hand over mine and set a pace he enjoyed. I loved the feel of his penis. So hard and stiff yet the skin was so soft, especially the tip. I wanted to taste it. I asked Leah about things I could do for Edward and he had demonstrated a blow job with a banana. I had tried not to laugh as she told me how to roll my tongue, how to move the banana in and out of my mouth, how to relax my throat so I didn't gag.

I decided tonight was the right time to put this lesson into practice. Nobody was sitting near us, we had our backs to the fire and the blanket covered us anyway, so I sprawled my body down beside him, then lowered my head and put my mouth on him. He looked as if he couldn't believe what I was attempting.I stopped for a moment and smiled up at him, whispering I had never done this before so he better speak up if I hurt him or did it wrong. However, even if I do say so myself, I seemed to do a good job and he was breathing heavily and gasping in pleasure in no time. I felt him twitch and pulled him further down into my throat so when he exploded, I could just swallow it down like Leah had taught me. As soon as he stopped shuddering in pleasure, he pulled me up and kissed me like I had given him the best gift in the world. I wasn't stupid, I am sure anyone as stunning as Edward had been the receiver of many blow jobs and I didn't hope to even be amongst his 100 bests, but he pulled me close and kissed my neck and told me it was the best ever he had received. I knew he was just saying that, maybe the best one is always the last one you experienced. But his green eyes shone with happiness and he told me how happy he was to have been the one to get my very first...other than the banana! I laughed at the thought and he asked me what I was thinking, so I told him about how Leah had taught me and he laughed out loud.

"Thank God for fruit and vegetables, then, I say" he laughed.

We were so close and happy together. I wondered sometimes if Edward would try to talk me into taking the next step, real full sex, married type sex, but he never talked about it and he seemed happy with what we did do.

He was thrilled I had chosen to spend the weekend with him instead of my "other boyfriends" , I laughed at this and assured him ,he was number one in my book. He blushed at that. I assured him I would never prefer to spend time with anyone else than him, even my seven boys.

Sunday we hung around his house with Emmett and Jasper and I finally got to meet Alice. She was an amazing girl. So tiny but so much love for her family and Jasper, and Edward was clearly her favorite brother. She was thrilled I was spending time with him, her excitement was clear to everyone. I gathered she didn't usually take to Edward's other girlfriends. We walked to the back of their property and swam in the creek there. It was icy and about waist deep, the water flowed quite swiftly but there was a swimming hole and the boys enjoyed diving in and showing off to us girls, who sat shivering in the shallows. Edward came over and sat beside me, rubbing my arms to warm me up. He pulled me up and we ran up to where the towels and blankets lay in a pile, and he wrapped a towel then a blanket around me, and pulled me onto his knee. He leaned in and kissed me slowly and sweetly, and I wondered if I was imagining the affection he felt for me.

Alice looked over at us and smiled sweetly, and looked like she was so happy to see us together. I didn't understand it, she didn't know me at all, I could be some heartless shrew out to break her brothers heart for all he knew. How ironic, looking back. How backwards I had that.

Edwards mother called us in for dinner and we all walked back to the house. Edward took me upstairs to his room for a quick shower, and he jumped in with me and gave me a quick orgasm in the shower with his fingers. I attempted to kneel in front of him to return the favor but he pulled me to my feet and told me it wasn't necessary, watching me come had been pleasure enough for him. He rubbed me dry with a fluffy towel, and I quickly dressed as he did too, and we ran back downstairs hand in hand.

Dinner was great, Esme was a very good cook and we all ate way more than we should, so were groaning after the final desert course. Edward drove me home, and kissed me long and passionately in the car when he dropped me off at home.

I went indoors with the warm fuzzies tingling inside me.

Although nothing had been said, in my heart and mind, Edward was my boyfriend. It was too soon to voice it, but he had carved a place in my heart that would never be replaced by anyone else.

I knew I was in love. Completely and utterly. But I knew Edward was most likely nowhere near that yet. From comments I had heard Esme and Alice make, I gathered Edward had never actually taken a girl home to meet them before. Alice called his former girlfriends, his skank patrol. I was surprised, she seemed like such a nice girl ,it seemed a harsh judgment. But what did I know. Edward never mentioned any other girls to me. I was fairly sure I was the only girl he was seeing at the moment, he was with me all day at school, we were together studying every afternoon and we spent weekends together now as well.

This weekend was fast approaching. Jess started to grill me in class on Friday. It seemed weird, out of the blue. She wanted to know all about my seven boys at La Push. It seemed random. I hadn't even seen them for weeks now. She asked me if they were a long time commitment type thing or a casual "arrangement". I wasn't sure what she was asking. I assured her, it was no casual arrangement and these boys loved me and always kept me safe. She finally seemed satisfied, and I saw her talking to Edward after class. She evidentially wasn't saying what he wanted to hear. The look on his face was dark and fierce and I wondered what she had said to him .He walked away as soon as he saw me, and came towards me and held out his arms for a hug. He seemed a little puzzled and distracted, but kissed the top of my head and told me Alice was throwing a welcome home party for herself this weekend and he wanted me to come.

He seemed rather insistent and wanted an answer immediately. I told him I was sure it would be okay and asked if Leah was invited too. He assured me, of course she was. So that was settled. I knew something was bothering him. I expected he would bring it up if he wanted to discuss it with me. Of course, it could be nothing to do with me. Or it could mean my time was about to expire. Well, if that was it, if this was our last encounter, then I wanted as much as I could, to remember in my old age as I played with my cats and spent my spinsterhood thinking of the boy I loved. I had no doubt I would love him forever. It was a pity he didn't feel the same way about me.

That afternoon after school, Edward asked me to go for a walk with him. I was apprehensive. Was this the kiss off? But why would he ask me to the party if that were the case. Was he about to tell me he never wanted to be with me again and leave me to curl up and cry in the forest?

Edward took my hand and walked me further in than I had ever been before. Suddenly the trees stopped and we were standing in an opening, almost perfectly round. The grass was soft and green and wild flowers dotted the floor. Edward pulled me down with him, and we lay there, me safe in his arms. He spoke quietly about how he wished things were different, how he wished he had met me years ago, before he was a total "fuckup", before when he still had a soul worth saving. It brought tears to my eyes. I was so sad he saw himself this way. To me, he was so beautiful, so gentle and loving, such a wonderful soul. I didn't ask why he saw himself so darkly, so badly. I guess I was scared to hear the answer. Leah had been trying to tell me something about Edward for days but I kept cutting her off. I didn't want to hear. I didn't want my image of him to be tarnished.

We spent several hours together, cuddling,laughing and talking , living in our own little Edward and Bella bubble,but the atmosphere started to change and I knew it wasn't going to last. Edward seemed desperate to hang on as long as he could, to what, I didn't know. His kisses had been so warm and soft and sweet and gentle all the time we lay there, there was nothing sexual about them , they seemed to be about love and caring and belonging? He started to become restless, and he pulled me in roughly for a desperate, frantic kiss that seemed to hurt him deep inside. Realty seemed to hit and Edward stood up, impatient now to leave. His mood had darkened. He seemed depressed suddenly, sad and somehow harsher.

"Reality sucks" he sighed under his breath."May as well take what's on offer and move on .As usual. That's all there is for me, that's all there will ever be, I deserve nothing else. It's all my own fault, my own doing. I just wish I hadn't seen a glimpse of something so much better, so decent and true and what I want so ,so much. Something I can never have."

I was puzzled at the change but had no experience dealing with a situation like this. All I could do was reach out and hold his hand and pray things would get better for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Innocence Lost

Chapter 4

Bella POV

As Leah pulled up at the Cullen's house, music blared out and it reminded me of our time in the meadow as we left. Trent Reznor was singing, in the saddest tone, the very words Edward had said .

"I just want something I can never have".

He played the piano and sang about his pain and gloom.

Edward was sitting on the couch and he saw me the moment I entered the room. He threw me his crooked smile and crooked his finger,urging me to come to him. I grinned widely. He was stunningly gorgeous in a pair of tight dark washed jeans and a black button shirt. I resisted running, but walked swiftly straight to him. Jess smiled knowingly and headed off to find Mike. Edward pulled me onto his lap and kissed me passionately. Emmett frowned at him, as usual,I still have no idea what his brothers problem is with Edward and I being a couple. Maybe Emmett simply doesn't believe in true love at first sight? I guess you have to know how Edward and I are truly in love to understand the way we have become so close,so fast. Romeo and Juliet knew this, it seems Emmett doesn't. Edward and I will be together forever, I have no doubt of that. Even if it just is in my mind.

Edward had clearly been drinking for a while. He seemed to be trying to shake off his mood. I wished he would play something happier, music seemed to affect him, always.

Edward called out to Jasper to bring us some drinks. He handed Edward a bottle of beer and raised an eyebrow questioning Edward silently. Edward frowned, looked at me, and seemed to come to a decision. It didn't seem to be a happy decision, he seemed to be giving in to the inevitable, whatever that was. My heart sunk.

"Make her one of our specialties" laughed Edward bitterly in reply. A few minutes later, Jasper returned and handed me a glass of what appeared to be cola. I tasted it, it wasn't the taste of any brand I recognized, the taste was almost sickly sweet, but I drank it down thirstily.

Jasper kept a steady supply of drinks to us as the night progressed. To a casual observer, Edward was in a happy mood, joking and chatting with all his mates and kissing me in between. But it seemed staged, fake. Like the last hurrah. Finally he stood and grasped my hand. He turned to Jasper and Emmett and told them a resigned "Goodnight" , sounding like the condemned man walking to the gallows and then pulled me towards the staircase.

I knew where we were heading, up to his bedroom again.

I looked around properly for the first time. It was simply furnished with a large kingsized bed, a desk where his computer sat, a walk in closet and an open door that led to his private bathroom I knew so well,with a spa bath, a shower stall, twin sinks and a toilet .I had a feeling I would never get to experience the pleasure of that spa bath with Edward.

Edward locked the bedroom door behind us and led me to his bed. I sat on the edge, feeling light headed and giggling for some reason.

"Are you nervous,Isabella?" he asked."I need to hear you say you want us to do this tonight. I can't do it without your explicit consent."

Explicit consent? But we had done this before. The dizziness overtook me and I hoped it wasn't going to spoil this night for me. I had no idea why I felt like this, my head was swimming.

"Of course I want us to do this. Why wouldn't I? Why would I be nervous? You promised to always keep me safe. I just feel weird" I replied, lying back on the bed.

"It's the alcohol. I want to make love to you so much," he sighed.

"Then just do it. I want it as well."

Edward leaned over me and kissed me deeply and passionately. Then he suggested maybe I would be more comfortable with fewer clothes on. That sounded like a good idea,it was getting warm in here. I stood shakily and swayed. Edward caught me, laughing.

"Isabella, you are so adorable. We are going to have such a good time tonight," he promised, lifting my t shirt off over my head. He almost sounded sad as he said this. He unclasped my bra and tossed it to the floor. I was a little shy as usual but somehow I didn't tell him.

I swayed against him and he undid the button and zip of my jeans and eased them down. I kicked my shoes off, and stepped out of the jeans. Edward reached down and pulled me closer by the lace panties I was still wearing.

"These need to go," he said with a grimace. I laughed shakily, was this my last time in this room? My last time with Edward? I had to take what I could get , so I slid them down my legs and off. That felt better, I suddenly felt free and safe and happy, with my Edward kissing me like this, it was Heaven. It was self preservation. It was a bubble, I was trying to enclose us safely together in a world of our own.

His hands seemed to be everywhere at once all over my body and I swayed again, so he lay me down on his bed and stood looking at me, grinning widely. He pulled his own shirt off and then unzipped his jeans and threw them to join mine on the floor. He dropped onto the bed beside me and started massaging my breasts.

It felt even better than usual. I moaned and writhed under his hands and realized my legs had automatically spread, waiting his magic fingers to bring me that familiar pleasure they always did. Edward seemed to suddenly resolve that this was going to be a happy occasion,if it killed him. He kissed my neck.

"Eager little thing, aren't you? We have to be responsible though. I have to ask you this before we we make love. Have you been tested lately?"  
I loved that he now termed what we did as making love. It sounded so special. I hoped if we ever had full sex he would label it equally as prettily.

I was surprised at his question ,then realized just how much I meant to him. He obviously knew of Charlie's brush with diabetes and was worried for my own health.

"Yes, I was tested last week, I am free and clear" I replied, happily. What a boyfriend, he cared about everything about me.

"Okay, good girl, and we are safe?" he asked.

"Oh very safe, Edward" I replied. He was just like Jake and the other boys from the Rez, always checking I felt secure. I couldn't possibly love him more, my heart felt like it would burst.

Edward leaned across me and turned out the bedside light. His curtains were wide open and the moonlight created a romantic shine to the room.

I sighed in contentment and hoped I wouldn't fall asleep. I felt so relaxed and happy. I was in my bubble, nothing could hurt us here. Edward moved his long fingers to my hot, eager center and began the touching and rubbing I had come to want every minute of every day, and dreamt about at night. I felt his two fingers enter me ,pumping in and out,and his thumb began rubbing my clit and in minutes, the familiar tightening and rush of pleasure hit, leaving me writhing and breathless. I moaned loudly and Edward kissed me , and moved his body above me, nudging my legs further apart. I felt his fingers pushing against my tingling lady parts again. This was new, he usually lay beside me to pleasure me. I threw back my head and moaned. His fingers felt different, bigger, wider, I was confused but my head gave up thinking and I felt him push them into me. To my befuddled brain, Edward seemed to be above me, floating over my body.

"Tight, my God, so tight," he mumbled. Oh, so it wasn't his fingers that were bigger, my body had somehow become tighter? My thoughts swirled. I felt a stab of stinging pain and Edwards body paused its rocking. He looked down at me, a confused look on his beautiful face. I rocked my hips to make him keep moving his fingers within me. He pushed his fingers in further and the pain passed. I moaned at the new deepness he was reaching and he started rocking his body again. I turned my head and felt one of his hands move to my breast, massaging me roughly. I was intrigued for a moment, if he had one hand on my breast and the other buried deep inside me, how was he supporting his body above me? My befuddled brain told me to shut up and enjoy, and Edwards fingers inside me hit new places and I moaned aloud and felt the heat and tingling again, gathering in my abdomen. Seconds later it hit me like a tidal wave and my body froze then shuddered in absolute pleasure. Edward continued rocking above me and kept his fingers inside me, until he suddenly moaned and shook himself, then he fell beside me, and his fingers finally left my body.

I was surprised to feel pain and discomfort in my lady parts, but he had been reaching in deeper and my orgasm had been much stronger, if this is the price I had to pay for that pleasure, so be it. My head was still woozy and I felt myself slip into blackness.

Edward POV

Something was wrong. This just didn't seem to be like usual, I had slept with plenty of girls, I had never found any girl that tight before. And if I didn't know Isabella had been with the boys from the Rez, I would have thought maybe she was a virgin. I knew she wasn't, Jess had questioned her at length for me and assured me Isabella had been around. She had boasted of many boyfriends and told Jess how the boys were always keeping her safe...it suddenly occurred to me, maybe she meant they didn't actually penetrate her? It had almost felt like I had hit her barrier when I first entered her. OMG .Icy fingers crept down my spine. I looked down at her sleeping face.

Surely not. Surely I hadn't just been her first? I looked down and there on her thighs was the telltale smear of blood. Fuck. But I had asked her if she been tested. Why would she be tested if she hadn't had sex before? I felt a stab of something foreign...conscious? Was I feeling guilty? I would never have dragged her upstairs to my bedroom if I had known she was still a virgin. But she had been so eager, she had never wanted me to stop at any point. Any girl entering Edward Cullen's bedroom knew exactly what they were there for. And she had stripped off eagerly enough. I shook my head. I rolled Isabella away from me and slid out of bed and into the shower. My dick was covered in her blood. Yep, Edward, you just took your first virgin.

In this one instance, I would have been honored to be a girl's first, Isabella's first. She was like no other girl I had ever met. If she had really wanted me to take her virginity, I would have waited, weeks, months, until the time was right and we had become a public couple, girlfriend and boyfriend. And it wouldn't have happened at a party, I would have made things special for her, taken her to dinner, bought her roses, kissed her for hours and taken time warming her up and then I would have made love to her, gently, sweetly, while we gazed into each others eyes. No houseful of drunks wittnessing our departure to my bedroom, no knowing looks and cheeky grins and cries of

"Hey Edward's nailing Isabella" as I am sure many of them are saying. No drunks...

Shit. A thought suddenly occurred to me. I had allowed her to drink, more than that, I had let Jasper make her drinks and had plied her with alcohol. I had taken a semi drunk virgin to my bedroom! I wasn't worried about getting her drunk beforehand because I assumed she had slept with those seven boys, I thought she knew what she was doing. I assumed she had made a clear headed decision before she even arrived at the party, that she knew we were having sex tonight, and so I had actually thought she would loosen up and enjoy it more if she had a few drinks. But the facts are now clear. I plied a virgin, who may have never drunk before, with alcohol, without her knowledge, took her up to my bedroom and then had sex with her, without even asking if that was what she wanted. Did that amount to rape? My God. I am a monster. I don't deserve a girl like Isabella.

I had deliberately avoided virgins for many reasons. One, I didn't want to ever be the one responsible for taking that from a girl. To me, a girl should give her virginity to a boy she loved, had feelings for, and I would never be that boy. I would never be worthy of taking that gift from a girl.

Also, I knew taking a girls virginity often created a bond between the couple and I had never before wanted that bond. Let's face it, the Edward Cullen's of this world are unworthy of relationships and girls like Isabella Swan. They deserve the skanks and vultures, the Tanya's and the Jessica's. The girls who give their bodies freely to any boy. Who expect nothing in return, no love, no loyalty.

Fuck. What had I done? What had I stolen from this beautiful girl? How could I make it better? Would she remember in the morning? I hoped not. Maybe if she was too drunk, she wouldn't even know what had happened. How bloody sad if her only memory of her first time was a fuzzy drunken romp in the bed of a manwhore. What a story to tell the grandkids. What a tragedy to remember her first time that way, for the rest of her life. I knew most girls kept that memory, of their first time, safely in their heart, to pull out and remember when things got tough, so they could know, at least I had that, at least I gave myself to a boy I loved with all my heart, at the time. Even if nothing came of that relationship in the fullness in time.

If I could get rid of the evidence, get her into a guestroom downstairs, convince her in the morning nothing had happened between us tonight? That we were both too drunk...no, that Tanya turned up and Isabella went to bed in the guest room , untouched, she could go on and give her "virginity" in thought if not in body, to a deserving boy in the future. A proper boyfriend. There wasn't always blood, I had read that somewhere. Some girls broke their hymen other ways, tampons, horse riding...maybe she would simply think a tampon had broken hers and she would remain a virgin until a worthy boyfriend took her.

I could do that for her . I could give her back her precious gift. And I would go back to the Tanya's of this world...

. . Shit,Tanya had rung just before Isabella had arrived so I knew my time was limited. Limited and precious. Precious and pointless. On hearing what Jess had to say, how Isabella had every intention of keeping up her "relationships" with the Quiluete boys, I had jumped to the conclusion the only reason she considered me her favorite was because I alone gave her pleasure back. But it wasn't enough, she still intended keeping up her "chatting" sessions with seven other men. I clearly meant little to her. And I wanted to mean so much. I wanted her to want me and me alone. I wanted to be a real boyfriend, for the first time. I wanted her every smile to be for me and me alone. I wanted the meadow to be our special place. I had never taken a girl, anyone, there before. It was there I had allowed myself to fantasize for a few precious hours that we were a couple, that we were in love, that she loved me as much as I loved her, that there was a chance for a future together. And now I had effectively killed any chance. I had clearly misunderstood the nature of her relationship with the seven boys. They hadn't been sleeping with her. They hadn't even touched her, of that I was now sure. No, it was me and me alone who had corrupted someone so beautiful, so perfect, so deserving of true love and happiness. I did that all on my own. I wished I could curl up and die, but I couldn't. I had to fix this as best I could. I had to save her from the likes of me. I could cry and regret and drink myself into oblivion later.

Tanya would be here any minute. She was a necessary part of my plan. I rushed through my washing and drying and pulled on my boxers and jeans. I grabbed a clean Tshirt from my closet, and went back to my bed. I had to get Isabella out of here ,fast.

Tanya knew going away for six weeks to Alaska meant I would not be sitting here twiddling my thumbs and abstaining, but she sure as Hell was not going to expect to find a newly deflowered virgin beauty in my bed. She would have assumed the regulars, Lauren, Jess, would have "kept me warm" for her. The girls who were as into meaningless sex as I was. I had hoped, had dreamed after the last few weeks that Tanya would be coming back and finding Isabella and I a couple and there would be no need for me to ever have anything to do with Tanya again. Shit. If Tanya found Isabella here my plan would never work, she would spend the rest of the month throwing insults at Isabella at school, calling her out for fooling around with her "boyfriend" , being a "home wrecker", she had done it before and it had never bothered me but Isabella did not deserve to be treated like that. Shit, she had no idea still that Tanya existed. I had no reason to tell Isabella about her, I assumed I was done with the Tanya's and Jess's as soon as I started having feelings for Isabella. MY whole world had changed from the day I first kissed Isabella Swan. Bad luck for me. But at least I had experienced a single glimpse of Heaven. I would have that in my heart forever, when I was old and alone, I would be looking back at my time with the sweetest girl in the world.

I grabbed my cell and rang Emmett and told him to get his ass up here and to bring Jasper. They were at my door within minutes. I had gotten a washer and wet it under warm water and wiped the bloody evidence from Isabella's thighs and gently but thoroughly cleaned all evidence of our encounter from her ladies bits. I wiped inside as far as I could reach, and cleaned away her blood and my semen .I dried her tenderly with a soft towel and kissed her mound. I powdered her with baby powder and silently apologized for my gross error. I was sorry for what I had done to her, what I had stolen from her. I clumsily pulled her jeans back on to her legs and hauled them up,lifting her unresponsive body to pull them to her waist, and doing them up. I put her bra back on and clipped it at the back. The boys knocked and I unlocked my door and let Emmett and Jasper in.

"Shit,man,is she okay?" asked Jasper,looking at the sleeping ,half naked form of Isabella in my bed.

"She is fine but she won't be if she is still in here when Tanya arrives" I barked back at him.

He grabbed Isabella's top off the floor and helped me get it back on her. Emmett lifted her easily and Jasper opened the door and they took her downstairs to the second level where several guest bedrooms were located. Jasper pulled back the covers and Emmett slid her into bed, then Jasper pulled her on her side in the recovery position, and offered to sit with her and make sure she was okay. He was clearly feeling guilty for the amount of alcohol he had put into her Coke.

Emmett came back to my bedroom where I had stripped the bed of the bloody sheets while he was gone, and I bundled them up and raced down to the laundry and threw them into the washer with the washcloth,and started a cold water cycle. I raced back to my room, stopping only to grab clean sheets, and Emmett helped me remake my bed. I tidied my bedroom and checked for anything out of place. Emmett laughed and I looked up. Isabella's lacy panties dangled off his finger, and he held them out to me.

"You might want to dispose of these" he laughed.

Dispose of them?They were the only remaining evidence of my crime. They would be with me forever. If I ever needed a reminder of why I had let her go, why she needed to be far away from Edward Cullen, these would be here to remind me, of the animal and monster I had become.

I grabbed them off him with a scowl and shoved them into my back jeans pocket.

I straightened up just as my door flew open and Tanya ran into my arms.

"Eddie, I missed you so much! And what a good boy, I thought I was coming up here to toss some skank out of your bed, and here you are with Emmett, making the room all clean and tidy for me".

I gulped at the closeness of the call, and grimaced over her shoulder at Emmett as I pulled her close.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N. I don't know how to upload these myself so my daughter (who has 9 stories here herself in anime) does it for me. She says I have to wait, even though I have finished the whole story, to update until I get more reviews. If you have nothing to say but want to read more sooner, leave me just a "Like this story", or a smiley face or whatever, just so I appear to get some reviews.

Please remember, this story is Rated M for a reason, and this chapter contains more of those reasons.

Sex, underage drinking, drug use.

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Innocence Lost

Theres got to be a morning after.

Chapter 5

Bella's POV.

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing head and a sick stomach. And Jasper Whitlock sitting on a chair beside the bed I was in. I had no memory of why I was here...where?...what happened to me ?

Jasper gave me a smile and led me to a guest bathroom. While I showered, he went and got me a bottle of water and some pain killers.

"What happened to me?" I asked him as I sat on the bed, my clothes from last night back on over my clean body...well, with the exception of my panties, they were not on me when I undressed. I had no explanation.

"Um, a little too much to drink?" he asked.

"No way, I do not drink alcohol, Jasper. I never have. I wouldn't do that".

"Okay" he said, looking sad and guilty.

"Maybe I was sick? Do I have a fever?" I asked him.

Jasper felt my forehead and my back and said he was not sure, and asked me how I felt now.

He encouraged me to take the pills and drink the water so I did.

Suddenly I realized I was in Edward's house.

"Where is Edward, Jasper?" I asked.

"Upstairs, in his bedroom."

He grabbed for me when I started for the door.

"I wouldn't go up there, Bella" he warned. The look on his face spoke of the pain he felt for me.

I shook him off, impatiently.

God, Edward couldn't look any worse than I did. I looked like death warmed up.

I took off up the stairs at a run, up to Edward's bedroom door, and eased it open, trying not to disturb him if he was asleep.

He was. Asleep. Naked. In his bed. With a blond girl. Naked. Wrapped all around his body.

All the air rushed out of my body.

I felt my stomach try to throw up. Jasper grabbed me from behind and ran me to a nearby bathroom off the hallway and I made it to the toilet just in time. I vomited for ages, everything in my stomach, from way down in my toes it felt like, came out and left me feeling raw and broken. I could not believe what I had seen. Had anyone simply told me, I would never have believed them. Not Edward. Not my Edward. Not the boy I loved with my heart and soul. Not the boy who kissed me and touched me and ...loved me? Clearly not, he never loved me. That was obvious. I thought back to Jessica's warning. The warnings I had dismissed as jealousy, lies, hate.....

Jasper wiped my forehead with a wet washer and rubbed small circles on my back. I shuddered and moved away from his touch.

"Don't".

Don't don't don't.

I never want to be touched in any way by any boy again.

I didn't cry, I didn't sob, I didn't break down. I was way beyond anything that simple.

"Where is Leah?" I demanded.

"I will get her...will you be okay?" asked Jasper. He looked so sad, so sorry, so upset.

"I will be fine but I need to get out of here. Now"

He ran away, down the stairs, looking for Leah. I walked down slowly. I didn't look back, didn't glance at his now open door, didn't hope for a flash of his copper hair, his green eyes.

He was dead to me now. I could never think of him again.

Leah was waiting at the foot of the stairs. She looked ruffled and rough and obviously had a headache to rival mine. She held her arms out to me and I walked into them. Calmly. Deliberately.

"I want to go home" I said.

Leah led me to the car and we climbed in and drove home. I walked inside, up the stairs, into our bathroom. I stripped off, threw my clothes into the waste paper bin, I never wanted to see them, wear them , again. I wore them for him. I would never wear anything for him again. He was nothing to me now.

I sat on my bed wrapped in a towel. Leah was looking at me, fear in her eyes. Jasper had told her what happened, what I saw.

"Who?" I asked her.

"Tanya...his girlfriend. I tried to tell you, you didn't want to know.."

"Okay. I don't blame you. I blame me. I blame him. I don't ever want to hear his name again. He is a stranger to me now. Please never try to mention him to me again".

"Okay" she said with a sigh.

My head hurt, my throat hurt, but most of all, my heart hurt. So fucking much. My whole chest seemed to be missing. Like a massive hole had opened .

I huddled on the bed, arms around my torso, trying to hold myself together.

Time passed. I may have slept. I may have just lay there. I don't know. I assume I kept breathing seeing I didn't die. Did I ?

Darkness came and went. I lay there for the next day. Leah kept coming in, trying to get me to speak, to eat, to drink. I don't know why.

Monday morning I snapped to.

I locked Edward Cullen into a box in my mind and locked it securely. I threw away the key. I would never need to open that again. I showered, I dressed in the clothes Leah left out for me. I went downstairs. I ate whatever was put in front of me.

I walked to the car and got in. Leah tried to speak to me but I couldn't understand what she said.

I got out of the car and walked to class. People spoke to me but I think they were talking in Japanese. Something like that. I sat at my desks, I took notes, I read the text books. Lunch time came. I walked to the lunchroom. I sat at a table, alone. Leah bought me a bottle of lemonade. I opened it and played with the lid. I forgot to drink it. The bell went and I walked to class. The last class was Biology. I walked to class, sat at my table. I was alone. I knew there was someone else at the table but he wasn't a real person so I didn't look at him or speak to him. I think he spoke to me but knowing he wasn't real I didn't listen or answer. I left after class, walked to the car. The non person walked just behind me, trying to talk to me. I got in the car. Leah spoke to the non person and he left.

So my new new life began. Nobody spoke to me and I spoke to nobody. I did my work, I handed in assignments, I refused to participate in Biology when the non person and I had to do a class project together so he did it all and gave me a copy. I left it on the table.

Weekends I lay on my bed and slept or maybe I pretended to sleep.

Charlie spoke to me, but I didn't understand what he said. Charlie pleaded with me, but I still didn't understand. Charlie yelled at me, and I looked at the ceiling. Charlie threatened to send me back to live with Renee so I screamed. Really loudly.

Leah went and got Jake and he took me to the Rez. My seven boyfriends hugged me and took me to La Push beach and lit a fire. We huddled around the fire together and my boyfriends made me feel safe again. Suddenly I could understand what they were saying and by the time night fell, I was talking and laughing and felt like the new me. The new Bella. I let Jake kiss me on the mouth. I don't think anyone's ever kissed me on the mouth before. Have they? I liked Jake kissing me. We sat together and Jake cuddled me. I wanted more. I put his hand under my top, on top of my bra, so he touched my breast. Nobody has ever touched my breast before. Have they? I liked Jake touching me.

I put his hand down my pants. It felt good. Nobody had ever touched me there before.

So my new life went on. Jake brought me to life on the weekends and during the week, I was Zombie Bella. Charlie gave up, seeing I was okay weekends, he figured I would be okay weekdays some time soon. I knew every teachers name and no students name. I didn't talk to any of them and they ignored me. Leah gave up and just became my chauffeur. My dresser. My hairstylist. Weekends I was happy and I talked to Leah but she never mentioned any of the week people.

One day, Charlie had a great idea. He enrolled Seth and I in the Rez high school. So I became a real person again. Every day. Seth drove us to school and we talked and laughed and were happy. We stayed at Billy's house after school and did our homework with Jacob, then we ran on the beach and hiked in the woods and at dusk, Seth drove us home and we ate dinner and slept. I smiled at Charlie. He made me safe again. Jacob was my boyfriend and the other six no longer were. They became my friends. Just my friends. I loved my friends but Jacob was special and I loved Jacob. I made him touch my body then one day, I remembered something. Someone else had touched my body like this. But he didn't exist any more so it didn't count, it didn't matter. My body was just for Jacob now and he made it sing.

The weather turned cold and we had to wear warm clothes. None of my jeans were warm so I borrowed some off Sue. They were too loose but they hid under my big woolie sweaters so it didn't matter and after a while they were snug and tight and felt better.

Edward POV

As soon as Bella was safe in bed in the guest room, and I had Jasper's promise that he would not leave her, not even for a minute, I concentrated on my plan. Had I overlooked anything? It had to be perfect. She deserved perfect.

Then Tanya rushed in and bleated something at me and next thing she was in my arms. My arms that only wanted Isabella. It took all the strength I had not to throw her at a wall. But I needed her. I needed this cold, hard bitch, this opposite of the woman I craved, in order for my plan to work. But once it did, she was going. I was never touching her or any other woman again. This was a much better punishment for me. To never feel another woman in my arms, on my lips, in my bed. That way, I couldn't even pretend it was the girl I loved, the girl who had my heart.

Of course, it was a reward too.

This way, Isabella would always remain he last girl I slept with, the last girl my body gave pleasure to and took pleasure from. With all my heart and soul I wished she had also been the first girl I had slept with. If only I had met her years ago. Before I was dirty and sullied and cynical, sure sex was all there was, that love didn't exist.

My first time was with Tanya. Or Jess. Both, I guess. We had been at Tanya's party and Jasper had just discovered the joy of smoking weed so of course, Emmett and I had to try it. I had hated the feeling in my throat, like a massive bubble of steel was caught there, I thought I would die or something. But it went away and the buzz that followed was amazing. The whole world looked sharper, better, more colorful.

Tanya gave me a small pill and told me this would give me the ultimate high. Fuck, yeah. I swallowed it but at first my body just burnt like it was consumed in flames, and I wondered if I was to become a charred skeleton. Then I felt amazing. Strong, beautiful, all knowing. A super hero. I could do anything. And I did.

There were boys were lined up at Tanya's door and each would go in, singly or in groups of two or three, then return fifteen minutes later, laughing and bragging about the "best sex' they ever had.

Tanya came out after a while and asked us if we wanted to come into her room. Jasper and Emmett rudely answered "Fuck no, skank". I had no idea why they were so horrible to her.

She looked amazing. I didn't even recognize her as the Tanya from school. Her whole body glimmered and shone and threw a rainbow of colors. She was unearthly. I couldn't stop looking at her. Then I saw Jess. She looked like Tanya did. What was happening? At school they were plain,obnoxious, annoying, suddenly here they were beautiful, enticing, Goddesses.

Jess came over and took my other arm and she and Tanya took me into the bedroom and locked the door. Next thing I was on the bed and my clothes had disappeared and there were naked bodies and their mouths were on me and their hands were rubbing me and I felt the most incredible sensations. Music and colors. My head couldn't process what was happening. It was too much.

Suddenly I was aware one of them was straddled across my hips as I lay back on Tanya's bed. Riding me, pulling me inside her, I looked up but couldn't tell which of the girls it was. Her face was just a beacon of rainbow colors. Then I exploded and literally thought my body had fractured into a million pieces, amazing waves of pleasure pulled and pushed at me, I was flotsam on a beach, being tossed about by waves, I was a leaf being blown about by the wind. The debris that remained of me scattered on the ground.

Jasper and Emmett were pounding on the door but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to keep feeling this.

Somehow I was at home in my room and the boys stayed with me all night, as I shook and shivered and tried to find the missing pieces of my body. They told my parents I was drunk. Gradually I came down and my head threatened to burst and splatter on my walls. I had no memory of details but I remembered the pleasure. I wanted it again, so the next weekend, I went back to Tanya's and she gave me more pills and things happened again and again and I was hooked. I wanted more. Tanya started giving me pills at school and we would cut class and spend an hour or so in the backseat of her car, or Jess's car. Sometimes both girls were with me, but gradually Tanya laid her claim and Jess was out more than she was in. So Jess started coming to my house and climbing in my window.

Sex wasn't the same without the drugs. I tried to get the sensations back that I had felt with Jess when we were taking the pills but they wouldn't return. I only got them with Tanya, after she doped me up. So I let Tanya become "my girlfriend" but she was never that in my eyes. She was my supplier. Of happy pills and happy sex. I stopped hanging with Jasper and Emmett. All I craved was my little white tablet of ecstasy.

Then one night things went wrong. Tanya was getting bored with me, she had other boys around when I was there, she was insisting on three of us taking her at once. She would order who would be in her first, second, at the same time. I knew this wasn't anything I wanted but she only gave me my pills if I complied so I did. Nothing was better than the high those pills gave me.

James gave me some other pills and I took them too. We were passing round a bottle of Jack, smoking spliffs, and swallowing pill after pill.

Then the blackness hit and there were sirens and my father screaming orders and needles stuck in me and they put things on my chest that burnt and jolted my body into an impossible arch, I thought my spine would surely crack.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in ICU. My Fathers face was both creased in fear and panic, and radiating anger like I had never seen before. Esme was trying to calm him down, saying it wasn't the time, I needed to heal.

I was in hospital for a week. My father ran a million tests to make sure my heart hadn't been damaged. I was okay, I was lucky. I knew I would be back taking pills as soon as I got out. I must have said it out loud as next thing, my father had grabbed me , threw me into a wheel chair and took me down long corridors, to a cold white dungeon of a room. He opened one of the many steel drawers on one wall. James body lay in the drawer. His skin was gray , his fingers and toes and mouth blue. Carlisle left me there, screaming and crying, he refused to take me back, away from here, this was hell.

I was shaken to my core. Once I got out of hospital, I stayed in my room. I wanted to be alone, I was scared and broken and needed to know I wouldn't end up in a drawer like James had. I kept the light on at night, I never slept. My father made me attend the funeral, made me face James' parents grief.

I didn't need any lectures, after that I never swallowed another pill.

That night I lay shivering in my bed, and suddenly I was surrounded by warm arms and kisses on my face. Jess was in my bed, holding me, whispering it would be okay. I took the comfort she offered and night after night, she or Tanya or both slept in my bed. I could not face the darkness alone. James's face appeared before me in every dream. I didn't want to sleep, I couldn't close my eyes. The girls became my security blankets, filled the endless hours between dusk and dawn..

If I exhausted myself with their bodies, I could fall into a dreamless sleep.

It was all I had.

They became my own personal brand of heroin.

Gradually I started to recover and spend time with Jasper and Emmett again. The girls no longer wanted to be with me every single night. I was addicted to the sex though. The sex became equal to comfort so I took other girls home.

It became a pattern. Edward Cullen needed a girl in his bed, to sleep , to warm his permanently cold body. My reputation as a manwhore spread like wildfire throughout the school. It was better than the truth, Edward Cullen couldn't face a night alone in his own bed. Edward Cullen was a four year old boy, unable to face the monsters in his closet. He needed a girl like he had needed his blankie as a toddler.

The nightmares lessened and my fear started to decrease. Sex became just a past time. I didn't want to give it up. Tanya knew about the other girls and came back to stake her claim again. I didn't care, a fuck was a fuck. Jess still snuck in now and then but Tanya would throw her out when she arrived.

My life pattern was set. Eventually I even started smoking again but I swore to never take another pill. My vices were restricted to alcohol, the occasional joint and sex. I never took any decent girl into my bed. Only the girls who slept around with any boy who asked. I could pick them on sight.

I had been to hell and now I was an outpatient of hades so I spent my nights with Satan's skank brigade. It was all I deserved.

Then an angel fell from above and walked into my life and I wanted out, I wanted a taste of Heaven. And that's what I got. A taste. A few weeks of bliss, a glimpse of how my life could have been.

And I took her most valuable gift, while she was drunk. While she wasn't even aware she was giving it.

I knew I would have to rewrite in my head how it happened. It would be romantic, loving, what we both wanted. It would be in my meadow. I would look at her and show her all the love that was in my heart, in my eyes. She would love me back, want me, try to get closer to me. We would kiss and laugh and touch each other with love and care. Then we would make love. It would be gentle and beautiful and it would be the first time, for both of us. We would have never known any other bodies, just each others. No one had ever touched us or kissed us, it was just us. Two virgins, giving their precious gift to each other.

I shook myself back to reality. Tanya was trying to paw at me through my clothes. I slapped her hand away. I felt a growl rise in my chest.

"Don't touch me" I warned her.

She looked at me in shock. No, I couldn't piss her off. I had to placate her.

I sat her down and explained what I needed her to do. Slowly and clearly. I promised her if she did this for me, I would do whatever she wanted. Tomorrow. I knew I was lying. I didn't care at all. I just needed Tanya to do this one thing then I would never see her again. But I would say, agree to ,whatever she wanted, to get her co operation.

I knew what the price would be, she wanted my mouth on her, my tongue inside her, her clit sucked into my mouth. I agreed to her terms and managed not to shudder. Even imagining myself doing that to her made me want to vomit. That was something I had done with Isabella alone and it would always remain that way. But I agreed, of course I did. What did it matter, it would never happen.

I stripped off my clothes and went and lay on the floor of my bedroom. Emmett threw a spare blanket over my naked body. I had the pillow Isabella had lain on, and I breathed in her scent. I reminded mys elf, I was doing this for her. All for her. My life was over but I couldn't drag her back to hell with me. I had to save her.

Tanya stripped off her clothes, smiling victoriously, she was finally going to get me just how she wanted me, she thought.

"Tomorrow night, all night, just you and me, be ready to go all night, Eddie".

She climbed into my bed, and pulled the covers over herself. Emmett tossed our clothes over the floor between the door and the bed, mingling them so it appeared we had been undressing each other.

He left he room and went down to talk to Jasper, in the room my love lay sleeping. He told Jasper the plan. He was to help Isabella in any way he could, but he needed to make sure she went into my bedroom in the morning. After she had a shower. While she was in the shower he was to text me, so I could set myself and Tanya up.

He was to then take her downstairs where Emmett would have dragged Leah from Tyler's house so she could be waiting to take my angel home. She was not to be told anything that had happened here,just the cover story. Emmett and Jasper had sworn they would never tell. Not even Rosalie and Alice. Isabella was, is, a virgin and it will remain that way, no matter what.

She drank a little too much, she fell asleep in the guest bedroom. Tanya came back, I took her to my bed, we were together. Isabella found us together, Leah took her home. That was what would happen. I would stay away from her, she would meet a decent man, she would give her heart and body to him. He would be her first. I would watch from afar and rejoice in her happiness.

I lay awake all night. I worked on my fantasy in the meadow. It had to be perfect. It was to be my only companion from this point onwards. Tears somehow found their way out of my eyes and trickled down my face. I did nothing to stop them. I was crying for her, for me, for us. For what might have been, for what would never be.

I heard music in my head. It was sad, pretty, happy, loving, perfect, lost, tragic. It was our song. I would compose it in my mind as I lay here tonight and tomorrow I would play it on my piano. The hours passed somehow. Finally the text arrived from Jasper. She was awake. She was in the shower. I folded up the blanket and threw it on the floor. I walked across the room, and slid into bed beside Tanya. I tangled my legs with hers, my arms with hers. I lay back and pretended to be asleep.

I heard the door open stealthily. I heard the intake of breath as she discovered us. I heard the sob that turned into a gag. I heard Jasper grab her and run her to the guest bathroom down the hall. I lay there and sobbed silently as I heard her heave her heart up. Yes, Cullen, you did that to her. But it was the lesser of the two evils. She would never know what I really stole from her. She would just think I was a cheating lowlife. She would never know how truly evil I was. She would forget me and go on with her life. It would be as if I never existed.

Finally she was quiet and I heard Jasper run down the stairs and the slow sad steps of my love as she walked slowly down behind him. I looked at my door, imagining her glancing up to catch one last glimpse of me. I knew I was kidding myself. She would be looking at the ground. Maybe crying, maybe not. Maybe angry, maybe mad she had allowed herself to be involved with a man such as I.

I heard her ask Leah to take her home. I heard Jasper close the front door behind them. I heard their car start, pull out of the driveway,and fade into the distance. I disentangled myself from Tanya. Suddenly my stomach heaved and I ran ,barely making it to the toilet in time. My body purged itself of the old me. The worthless me. The Edward Cullen no decent woman would want to know. Jasper and Emmett came into my room. When I was finished, I stepped into my shower. When I returned to my bedroom, wrapped in just a towel, Tanya was gone. I had yet another thing to thank Jasper and Emmett for. I dressed myself in the same boxers and jeans I wore to the party. I grabbed my black button shirt off the dresser and pressed it to my face. Was any of Isabella's scent still on it? I put it on.

I ripped the sheets off my bed and ran downstairs and threw them into the bin outside. I threw the pillow Tanya had lain on, the cover that had been twisted under her legs, all away.

I went to the dryer in the laundry and pulled out the dry sheets that had been on my bed when Isabella and I had been together. The small yellow wash cloth fell out. It was stained with an outline from her blood. Because I had used hot tap water, I realized.,when I wet it to wash her body .It had set the stain. It was another reminder I could keep. I pushed it into my back pocket. It wouldn't fit. I remembered what was there, her panties. I took them upstairs and laid them carefully on my dresser. Along side the bottle caps I had kept from Isabella's soda bottles each day when she sat with me for lunch. I had made sure I bought her a bottle of lemonade every day, so each day I had stolen the cap. They were now lined up, little reminders of the happy days.

I made the bed, sad the washing machine had stolen her scent as it washed away her blood. I pulled the pillow I had taken onto the floor with me. It still held bare traces of her scent, when she had lain with me in my bed. This pillow was to be my new bedmate. My new companion. I kissed it. I locked my door and laid on my bed. I felt tears again , once again I let them flow.

Sunday passed, night fell, Tanya arrived through my window demanding payment for services rendered.

Emmett came in and escorted her back out my window. I ignored her, she didn't exist to me. Let her scream and blacken my name to everyone for not holding up my part of the deal. The pact with the Devil herself. She couldn't hate me nearly as much as I hate myself.

Monday arrived. I got ready for school and arrived early and waited off to the side where I would be able to see Isabella but she wouldn't see me. It was a completely unnecessary precaution. I saw Leah arrive and park. My heart raced as I watched Isabella leave the car. She stared straight ahead. She walked as if asleep. My heart broke for her again. The lesser of two evils, I chanted internally. This was what was best. For her.

I watched her stumble from one class to another, never looking at anyone, never answering when spoken to. At lunch, she sat oblivious to us all, at a table, alone. Leah took her a bottle of lemonade and opened it for her. Isabella played unconsciously with the cap. She didn't drink the soda. She left the cap on the table. I rushed over and pocketed it once she left the room. By Biology, I was weakening. I had to speak to her. I had to hear her voice. Maybe she would become enraged and yell at me and come back from wherever her mind had retreated to.

I had to try. She entered the room and walked to our table and sat down. It wasn't as if she was ignoring me, it was as it I didn't exist. Maybe she knew better than most. I didn't really exist any more, did I?

I had to try and reach her. I leaned towards her and said the only words I could think of.

"Isabella, I am so, so sorry."

She didn't react. She didn't hear me. I followed her when she left the room. I walked slightly behind her, chanting my apology over and over.

"Isabella, I am so sorry, so, so sorry".

She walked to Leah's car and got inside. I stood there looking at her with tears pouring down my face. This was wrong. I should have thought of another way. She was gone. What if she never came back?

Leah walked up to me.

"Edward, let her be. Please. Just let her be". I nodded. I walked away.

Days became a pattern. She walked around unhearing, unseeing. I followed and saw only her. If she touched her bottle cap, I stole it once she left.

One day Mr Banner gave us a class project to work through as partners. I moved my chair closer and spoke quietly to Isabella, asking her which part she would like to complete. She shook her head, over and over. I sighed and did the whole thing myself. I made a copy for her, and when she walked out and left it on the desk, I handed it in for her.

Days followed, turned into weeks, nothing changed.

Then one day everything changed.

Leah came to school alone.

I waited, I assumed Isabella was coming with Seth. But Seth never came. I didn't bother going to class. I found Leah and asked what was happening. Leah told me Isabella and Seth had transferred to the school on he Rez.

For weeks, I drove and sat in my car in her street after school and waited for hours but she never came home, so I drove home before twilight.

I never saw her again.


	6. Chapter 6

Innocence Lost.

Immaculate Conception.

Chapter 6

Bella POV.

Grr. I threw yet another pair of jeans onto the bed. What the hell was happening?Why was my waist suddenly so much larger? Why did none of my stupid jeans fit me? I certainly wasn't overeating, in fact most mornings I felt quite off and barely nibbled. My stomach seemed to be constantly in revolt. I wondered if it was my way of coping with the whole Edward Cullen thing. I was such a fool. Believing we were a couple, thinking he loved me. All the time I had merely been his plaything while his GIRLFRIEND was away. I had to shove this back into a box in my mind and lock it away. I was fine. Thank God I never had proper sex with him, because I know without a doubt, had he ever tried, I would have let him. God knows, what he achieved with just his fingers, I had dreamed often enough what it would have been like to go all the way with him. Of course, in reality it had been hammered into me deeply by Renee, that that particular pleasure was for married couples only. But all the same, I was so glad the opportunity never arose, and Edward had never asked me.

In theory, I would have refused him.

In practice, I would probably have jumped his bones.

Definitely.

I am lucky he was at least enough of a gentleman to not allow that to happen.

Anyway, that part of my life is over and now I have moved on.

I have new friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend. Jake is perfect for me. We sit together in class and we walk back to his house and he kisses me and he has let my mind heal and become whole again. Now I remember, but it doesn't matter. It's all in the past. It doesn't matter. I have feelings again. Happiness. Sadness. Pain. Hope. Regret. But I have learned and I have to remember so I can learn and not do those things again. I can feel the big stitches that Jake put in to hold my chest together.

All these weeks of icy weather that had meant my body had been hidden beneath enormous bulky warm sweaters, and thick cord jeans Sue had lent me because my thin, designer wrecked denim pairs held no warmth. Now finally the sun was shining and I could dress in some lightweight, Summery items.

I pulled on a wrap skirt that I had borrowed from Sue once and never returned. It was hardly stylish, it was purple and pink on a cream background, a batik pattern, but it was totally adjustable and so fit me perfectly. I matched a pink T shirt to go with it from my stash of unworn plain colored T's that didn't normally appeal to me, and pulled on a bra. I hadn't bothered wearing a bra under the many layers, and my breasts had ached without support. It was way too tight, I must have closed it on a tighter hook. No. Its on the loosest hook. How strange. My breasts overflowed painfully over the sides and top of the cups. I grabbed one of Leah's, she was several sizes larger than me, and it fit perfectly. Finally, I have real boobs. I admired them in the mirror. Yeah baby. Everything comes to she that waits. I stuck my chest out and was amazed, I have gone up several fittings.

I pulled the Tshirt over my head, it strained across the bust. I shrugged and tied on my Jesus sandals. Hmm, totally hippie. Well, I needed a new look, my damn jeans had obviously all shrunk. And my bras. I suppose if I am changing shape at least I am getting a decent rack out of it. I will have to get some more clothes and soon. I glanced at myself in the mirror and almost screamed. My God, my bum looks twice as wide as it did. I raced into the bathroom, and stripped off the skirt, looking at myself critically in the full length section of the mirror.

There was no denying it. My hips were wider, my bum had expanded, and there was a gentle swell to my abdomen. I was gaining weight. I jumped on the scales and shuddered at what they would reveal. Huh?I still weighed exactly the same. God, life is so unfair. The small amount I eat, I often throw up later. I am not bulimic, if I was I would weigh a lot less by now. My waist and hips have increased to the point I can no longer squeeze into any of my jeans or pants. I do have weird episodes where I want to eat large quantities of various foods, like eggs, or oranges, one day I ate eight oranges straight, I just couldn't stop. But one day wasn't going to cause a weight gain like that. I remember one past Easter when I ate eleven Easter Eggs and never gained an ounce.

Gah. I once again found breakfast just wasn't going to happen. The smell of the milk on the cereal made me want to upchuck. I quickly tipped it down the sink. The coffee pot was still hot so I poured myself a cup. I didn't usually drink coffee, as much as I love it, as Charlie thinks its definitely an adults only treat, but nobody was here. Why the hell not? I added some sugar and gulped down a mouthful. And spat it into the sink. WTF! There, I was even using Leah's favorite phrase. The coffee tasted weird, off .Coffee can go off? I poured the contents of the pot down the sink and pulled out a fresh pack of roasted ground beans and made up a new pot. I agitated while I waited for it to drip. Finally, a bare cupful was there so I poured it into a clean cup and replaced the pot to finish collecting the alluring beverage. I added sugar to my cup and took a cautious sip. It smelled divine. But the taste! It was off, as well. What a great day this was turning out to be.

Sue walked in the front door, took one look at me and gasped.

"What,Sue?What's wrong?"

"Bella" she rushed to my side.

"Do you have something to tell me? You can tell me anything you know. I am here to help you. I won't judge you, darling".

Judge me? Because I spat out coffee? Because my ass has expanded? What was she on about?

"I don't know what you mean, Sue. Please explain, you are making me panic".

"Bella, are you and Jacob serious about each other?" she asked.

WTF!!!

I somehow look like someone who is suddenly, what?Wanting to get engaged? What was this woman smoking?

"Bella, I am just going to ask you straight out. Are you and Jacob having sex?"

My head spun in confusion. Now I look like a skank? Hey,it's her skirt, if it makes me look cheap, maybe she better spend more time choosing her clothes.

"No, Sue. Jacob and I have never had sex. I have never had sex."

Sue's face had lost all color. She was deathly pale and afraid, of something.

"Bella, don't lie to me. What have you and Jacob been doing? Tell me everything. I am serious. You are not in trouble but I have to know the truth. Tell me every single thing he has done to you. Now".

I blushed bright red and wished we had waited a while before exploring each others bodies.

"Um, we kiss. He..uh..massages my, uh, breasts. He has put his fingers........um...down there...inside my underwear. He has rubbed them around and made me come"

God, please make a large hole in the floor and let me drop into it. I will never ask anything else.

"Have you ever allowed him to put his penis inside you or anywhere near your vagina, Bella?"

"Oh God, Sue, I have never even seen his penis! I have rubbed it through his jeans at times. He has "dry humped" me. He has never let his penis see the light of day around me. He believes its for the best, the safest option, if we keep it inside his pants. Why?"

"Have you ever let any other boy put their penis anywhere near you?"

Thank God I could answer "No" honestly to that. No need to tell her, had Edward Cullen offered, his penis would have been inside me, and often.

"What is this about, Sue?"

"When did you last have your period, Bella?"

"Um"..I had to think. It had been a while. Thank God. I hated all that pain and mess, cramps, inconvenience.

"I don't actually remember, Sue. They have never been regular but it has been a while. Can I ask you, what are all these totally unrelated questions about?".

"Bella, we are going to the clinic. I just want the doctor to check you out.

We wont be able to get in at such short notice at the private practice but Fork's

Hospital has a clinic. I just need a doctor to check a few things".

Crap. It's the diabetes thing again. Does diabetes make your ass big?

"Have you felt okay lately, Bella?"

"Sure, Sue, just a little nausea, sometimes I vomit but not too often, I have sore boobs but on the good side, they have finally grown to a decent size.." the look on Sue's face silenced me.

Seth came downstairs and Sue sent him to school at the Rez alone.

We arrived at Forks Hospital and Sue sent me to sit down and wait in the waiting area while she talked in a hushed voice to the receptionist. Sue then sat beside me and we waited in silence. A few minutes later, a drop dead gorgeous doctor in a white coat walked up to me, holding my file.

"Isabella? Would you like to follow me?"

To the end of the earth.....

"I am Dr Carlisle Cullen."

.Of course you are. Now I know where your son got his amazing looks from. Although I had been to his house many times in the past, he had never been home, always working at the hospital. Remind me not to marry a doctor. Ha. As I will never marry, that won't be a problem.

Sue gave me a worried wave and I followed the doctor. He read my notes and asked me to step behind a screen and remove my clothes.

Well, I did that for your son on several occasions and he isn't even a doctor, I guess I can do that for you.

I put the inadequate paper robe on and climbed up on the bed. A nurse came in and drew blood then gave me a small plastic container and pointed me to the bathroom. I returned it to her, half full.

I lay on the bed and counted the dots on the ceiling.

Finally, Dr Cullen appeared. He looked at me with grave eyes, and smiled sympathetically.

"Bella, do you know what Sue asked us to test you for?" he asked.

"Sure. My dad borders on having diabetes and Sue seems to think its inevitable that I get it" I answered.

"Do I have it?" I asked quietly.

"No, I can assure you you do not have diabetes" he answered and a grin instantly appeared on my face.

The fear of having to shove needles into my own body had terrified me.

"Well, do I have something else?" I asked. Going by the serious expression on his face, I certainly had some problem.

"Isabella, do you and your boyfriend have sex often? Remember, anything you tell me is 100% confidential, it will not leave this room without your permission".

"For Heaven's Sake. Jake and I are both virgins! I don't know why everyone needs to know, but there you go. We don't have sex. Not proper sex. He keeps his penis in his pants."

The look on Doctor Cullen's face indicated he did not believe me for a minute.

"I suppose Jake may be a virgin, but Isabella, you have just tested positive to a pregnancy test. You are not a virgin, and denying you have ever had sex is pointless".

I felt myself blush and stared at him in confusion.

"I am a virgin and there is no possible way I am pregnant" I assured him huffily.

"Okay, well please lie back and I will show you why I know you are not telling the truth."

He moved some type of machine with a screen like a computer monitor over towards me, and raised my gown. He squirted a cold,clear gel onto my belly and rubbed over it with a transducer that he held in his hand. He watched the screen, and turned it towards me.

There on the screen was a hazy moving figure of a baby! It was easy to identify, its head looked too large but its body was clearly recognizable and its hands and feet moved about, in and out of focus as he moved the transducer on my belly. He ran it over and over one section, and the baby's face was clear. Little squashed nose, beautiful full lips, two dark areas where the eyes were, a hand was in front of the face and the baby was sucking on its fingers.

I was amazed and moved to tears. Then completely confused. Jake had never, ever had sex with me. Edward had never had sex with me. Sure they had both put their fingers in places most parents would not approve of, but they had never exposed their penises to me, let alone stuck one in me. Had I become the host to an immaculate conception? Renee better never hear of this or I would be back in the cult, probably promoted to leader.

Could Jake have done something while I slept? He had snuck through my window and slept curled up at my back on many occasions, when Leah was out with Tyler.

"How long have you and Jacob been dating?" he asked.

"Um" I counted back to our first date" four months from this Saturday." I answered.

"Who did you date before Jake?" he asked.

"No-one" I replied. Your son never bothered taking me on a single date. I dismissed the day in Port Angeles, and the visit to the meadow. They were visits to Heaven, not dates.

"Isabella, you are approximately six and a half months pregnant."

"What??" Well that just makes no sense. I was glad Jake hadn't done anything to me while I was asleep, but six and a half months ago... that was when Tanya had turned up and I had found out Edward was a cheat and a liar.

But I wasn't a liar. I had never had sex with Edward. It didn't matter that there was a baby inside me, he had never even tried to have sex with me. It was pointless even telling his father of the shameful few times his son had mauled my body. With my full approval.

Dr Cullen asked me if I wanted Sue to come in to the room. I agreed.

She knew I was not a liar. She would believe me.

Sue came in, accompanied by a nurse, who stayed and helped me redress.

I returned to Dr Cullen's office, where Sue sat crying quietly.

"Isabella strongly denies she has ever willingly had sex, with Jacob Black or anyone else. I can only conclude, she has been slipped a drug on an occasion dating back six and a half months, and been taken advantage of. Did you ever get drunk at a party? Did you ever wake up with blood on your thighs?Sore between your legs when you had no reason to be?"

"No, no and no".

I had never drunk alcohol. I have never woken up with blood on my thighs. The only time I felt any soreness between my legs was after a.... session, with Edward or Jake. And it was more a slight discomfort.

I had been drugged? There was one night, and it was six and a half months ago, that I woke up in a strange bed, and Jasper Whitlock had been sitting there beside the bed. I had felt quite ill, my head hurt, my jeans were cutting into my hips from sleeping in them...what happened the night before? I arrived at the Cullen's with Leah...I sat on Edwards knee...Jasper brought me glasses of Coke....what else? I felt fuzzy, I wanted Edward to take me to his room, did he? No, I woke up in a downstairs guest room and went up to Edward's room and opened his door and saw...... Tanya lying in his bed asleep , all tangled up in Edward's arms and legs! They were both naked, I wasn't. That's the night I found out Edward was a cheat and a liar. Cheat and a liar. Not the beautiful soul I had thought him to be.

But there was one weird thing that night. When Jasper took me into the guest bathroom and I went to shower, my panties were missing. But there was no blood on my thighs. No pain. I was clean and untouched. I still smelled of baby powder for God's sake. Sure,I was stiff and sore from sleeping in my jeans But nobody would ever convince me that Jasper had done anything to me. He loved Alice with all his heart. God knows, that other pair were always rubbishing him for not playing around when Alice was away. But he had told me himself, he would never disrespect Alice that way. He told me, if he ever did that, he would tell Alice immediately and give her the opportunity to drop him. Even if she didn't want to, he would insist on them splitting up. He had no time at all for anyones manwhore ways. It wouldn't surprise anyone if Edward had had sex with me, but I knew he hadn't. There was no way I would lie and lay the blame on him. He may be a cheat and a whore but he was not a rapist.

We left the office and Sue called Charlie. That afternoon was the worst of my life. Charlie was furious and beyond crazy but he calmed down after I begged him to listen to me. I told him Jake had never touched me, that the only time this could have happened was the night of a party Leah and I attended, and that I had fallen asleep after drinking what I thought was a plain Coke, and woken up alone in a guest bed the next day fully dressed. It must have happened that night, but I had no idea who did this to me.

I am a rotten liar, nobody is ever convinced when I try to lie, so Charlie knew I was telling the truth.

Whoever did this was hardly the point, what did we do next? Sue suggested I go and stay with her sister on the Rez and they could calmly work out what to do. They would inform anyone who asked I had returned to live with Renee, and we would work out what to do next. There was no way I was going anywhere near Renee and her crazy cult so I agreed to go stay at Sue's sisters place and Charlie and Sue packed me a bag and Charlie drove back to work while Sue drove me to her sister's place. It was a nightmare and a mess, but it wasn't my fault.

Jacob was shocked when I told him, but he still wanted to be my boyfriend. He wanted to marry me and help me raise the baby but getting married at seventeen didn't seem to be a good idea. Especially to Jake. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. Charlie was happy with Jake and thanked him for wanting to keep me safe, but we didn't know what to do yet. Sue and Charlie didn't want me to make any decisions I may regret later.

The baby kept growing and kicking me and my waist got larger and larger. Everyone on the Rez knew what had happened to me and they knew it wasn't Jake who had done this, but they all looked out for me and wanted the best for me.

Charlie and Sue came down most evenings and we tried to come up with a plan. Did I want to keep this baby? This baby of a stranger's, a man or boy I knew nothing about? This baby whose father had drugged and raped me? Would I be able to love this baby? Would I look at him all my life and wonder if Jasper Whitlock had done something so bad, so disgusting, and lied to me later? I knew it wasn't Jasper. Why did I even think that thought? I was just trying to come up with a rational answer to an unanswerable question.

Sue's sister, Marie, is a midwife and she looked after me, checked my blood pressure and weight gain and everything else. I never had to leave the Rez so I never saw the week people again.

Then finally one night, the pains started, and Marie called Sue and Charlie, and we all sat and waited for the mystery baby to be born. After a whole day and night of contractions, Marie called the hospital, and Dr Carlisle Cullen came and took me to the hospital. He felt the baby was in breech and would need help, maybe even a Caesarian section to be delivered, but luckily the baby moved at the last minute and came out head first. He was a fine, long, healthy boy. With long slender fingers. With a mob of bronze hair. With big green eyes.

Dr Cullen looked at the baby and looked at me. I knew. He knew. He handed the baby to me and covered his little body in a warm blanket.

I looked at Dr Cullen and I told him.

" I didn't know. I have no memory of ever having sex with Edward. I don't want him ever to know this baby exists. I want "Father Unknown" on the birth certificate. I will have charges laid against him if he finds out about this baby".

Dr Cullen looked very sad but he did as I asked and my baby was officially and legally all mine. Nobody elses.

I returned to the Rez , to Marie's house, and recovered from the birth. Then six weeks later I got into the car Charlie bought me and drove myself and my son halfway across the country, to raise him far from any other green eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N. Ooops, nobody seems to like Edward, so I am giving you another chapter so you can see he is not a completely bad person. Just young and easily led and unable to grasp Bella had a way different upbringing to him and his friends. Thanks for reviews, if I knew how to answer them individually, I would. (Computerly challenged.).Yes I love NIN. I can never listen to Something I Can Never Have without picturing Edward in New Moon deciding he has to break up with Bella and leave her in the forest.

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, Trent Reznor owns all things Nine Inch Nails.

Innocence Lost

Bystanders

Chapter 7

Alice POV

Well there you go. I leave for two weeks and come back to find my favorite brother blissed out over .. wait for it.. a girl!

Yeah, I know, all teenage boys have crushes and first loves and broken hearts along the way but not Edward.

Girls were just a means to an end for him. He had never had feelings for a girl before and I knew something major was going on the second I walked through the door that Sunday.

Our mother, Esme, was all but choking in joy, she grabbed me and hugged me and cried into my hair. My fashionably styled new hairdo.

I knew it wasn't me, Carlisle is a wonderful husband but her never reduces Esme to tears, I had already seen my beloved Jasper so I knew he was fine, Emmett and Rosalie were throwing insults at each other which is their weird form of foreplay so they were happy.

It only left Edward.

Sure enough, there beside my brother was the most beautiful brunette, her arms wrapped around his waist, her eyes looking up at his face, adoration clearly shining in them. Okay, many girls adore Edward, he is beautiful on the eye.

But Edward was smiling down at her and his eyes were full of joy and happiness and...love? Edward? Love?

I had to calm myself. Edward introduced her to me as the police Chief's daughter, Isabella Swan. She seemed a sweetheart and I loved her on sight.

We spent the day down at the creek, the boys were diving and doing their usual macho heroics, and us girls were admiring their bodies and laughing at their antics. Then Edward left the water and pulled Isabella from the shallows and took her towards the pile of towels. Hello, I thought, this is where Edward will sneak off and have sex with her, but no.

He wrapped her in a towel then a blanket and sat her on his knee, rubbing her arms over the layers of cloth, kissing her softly and they sat there talking and kissing and laughing at each others stories.

This was an Edward I didn't know.

Well, I knew but I hadn't seen in years, I had forgotten he existed.

He was always my favorite brother, always the sweet boy growing up, the gentleman, the Mommies boy but proud to be it.

Then he got entangled with that cold hearted bitch Tanya Denali and while we all sighed and knew he was simply discovering sex for the first time, she somehow destroyed him.

He played around with other girls at times but he was with Tanya then away from her time after time and we all held our breath and hoped she was never coming back, but she always did. I often walked upstairs to Edward's room at night to just talk to him but I would hear Tanya screaming at him, and him calling her "Bitch" and I would sadly walk back down to my bedroom. Why he had to choose the meanest, nastiest girl in the school as his first, I have no idea. Why he never stood up to her and threw her out permanently, another mystery. It had been the darkest, bleakest time of Edward's life. James had died of an overdose, Edward had almost died as well, we had all stepped back and allowed the Tanya thing to happen because it seemed better than what he had just been through.

I knew Tanya was currently away and I just assumed we would be saddled with one of the skank patrol in her absence. Not that they ever spoke to us or joined in family activities. They just snuck up his fire escape and left the same way a few hours later. Usually it was either that whiny Jessica and the bitchy Lauren. Two more wastes of a human life.

But no, Edward had a real, honest adorable girlfriend. He didn't introduce her as such but a blind man could see it. He couldn't keep his hands off her, but in a nice way. I had never seen him kiss a girl with gentleness and joy, only desperation and need. Bella, as Jasper warned me all but Edward must call her, glowed with the same happiness and I saw their future, engaged, married in a perfect wedding organized by myself, I was tossing wedding dress styles around in my head, she was only about 5 foot 4 inches tall but slim and beautifully proportioned. I wasn't even sure if floor length was the way to go? Something white and satiny and not to frilly or flouncy, but some lace, definitely.

Then the babies this pair would make together. Little tiny girls with big brown eyes, tall slim boys with bronze hair and green eyes. All smiling and happy, all musically gifted from their father and sweet and loving from their mother. I was down to tossing around traditional Cullen names before I snapped out of it and laughed at myself. I was putting more thought into their future than mine and Jasper's. That's just because I had our future all mapped out, I assured myself.

Dinner that night I finally got to talk to Bella and I couldn't imagine if someone made her from scratch in a laboratory to Edward's specifications, that she would have come out one iota different. She was what he loved and needed and deserved.

I know his lifestyle choices have sucked, I know he drinks too much and smokes too much and goes for skanks, but all that can be changed.

She joined in the talk and laughter and Jasper seemed almost as fond of her as Edward. was Nah, not true. I don't think anyone loves anyone else as much as Edward loves Bella. I wasn't worried for a second, I know I am the only girl for Jasper, but he has never been this taken with a girl in a friendly way, before. He was worried about how Edward would treat her, and who could blame him, its not like we had any experience of Edward with a girl he had feelings for. But I was sure this was the real thing. He would do right by her. He would toss Tanya back to the waiting arms of her many "chat buddies" and wipe her completely from his life. There was no bond there, he didn't even like her. He owed her nothing.

I watched them together at school, Edward rushing between classes to catch a kiss or just a glimpse of Bella. Afternoons at our house, our mother had taken time off work just to watch them together, and sneakily photograph them without them even knowing. I walked in on her time and again, camera pointed out the window, lens bringing them up close no matter how far down our yard they had walked. I called her out on it and she just smiled serenely and said to me "You don't know how long I have waited for her". I did, though. The same length of time I had waited for her.

If only she had been here a few years ago and saved him from the skank patrol. He had never met a girl he was attracted to and interested in before. The change in him was beyond amazing.

They were cuddled up together every chance they got, his lips were rarely apart from hers, if they were he was kissing the top of her head or her hand. The love radiated between them.

Day after day we witnessed the love between the two of them.

If Bella left the room, Edward's eyes would trail after her then stay fixed on the doorway until she returned. His mouth was in a permanent smile, his eyes were lit up in a way they had never been before. Love radiated out of his every pore.

We couldn't have a single conversation with him in the mornings before school that he didn't bring her name into a dozen times. Everything related back to Bella. She was his sun and his moon and the stars in his sky. The whole house was lit up by his love. He hugged Esme every morning, sometimes three or four times before he left for school, nothing anyone did annoyed him, he even smiled at Rosalie and talked to her like she wasn't a cow. He would grab me by the waist and swing me around as we walked towards our cars. He noticed Bella and Bella alone once he got to school , but we all treasured the new Edward and basked in the joy.

Bella was just as bad. I don't think she realized there were other students in the school most of the time. She did talk to me and to Jasper in the classroom, the only time she wasn't with Edward, but her conversations were all about him. It was like they were two halves of the one person, it didn't matter which one was talking, the other was there as well in spirit.

In Biology, their chairs appeared to be welded together, there wasn't an inch of space between them. Edward's head was leaned toward Bella, their eyes gazing into each others, even Mr Banner gave up trying to attract the attention of either and just let them be. They did their work, somehow. So other thoughts must have crossed their minds at some point. But it was hard to see when. They lived in their own little world and the school could have caught fire and burned to the ground and neither of them would have noticed.

Every eye was on them as they walked through the school grounds but neither even noticed. The skank patrol didn't even approach Edward, even they could see they no longer existed for him now.

I was so happy. Edward was finally a complete person. A person who loved someone. I could hardly stop myself squealing every time I saw them together. Which was all day, every day.

I wanted to do something, anything, to solidify their relationship before the Bitch was back, not that I imagined even she could squeeze between them, so I decided to throw myself one of my famous parties.

Esme agreed immediately, we needed Bella firmly settled in place as Edward's girlfriend, the girl he brought home and shared with his family. We needed as many witnesses as possible so when Tanya threw her inevitable fit and questioned all and sundry, they would all look back at my party and tell her how sweet and loving and committed Edward was with Bella.

The afternoon before my party, I knew something was up. I shivered as I felt someone walk over my grave. Something bad was going to happen.

Edward was distracted, one minute he was smiling that smile he kept for only Bella, or when he was thinking of Bella, the next he was edgy, wild, unsure. He spoke to Jessica in the hallway and I saw his face darken and I worried for a moment what he was about to do, but he seemed to shake it off and went and greeted Bella as usual.

He took her out somewhere, the rest of us went home to start organizing and decorating for tomorrow's bash. He was gone for hours and when he returned, I knew something was badly wrong. Nine Inch Nails wailed down from his bedroom,over and over. Trent Reznor's voice cried out to us, lamenting loss and pain. Edward didn't join us, he just stayed up in his room,for hours, then he ran downstairs and started playing that same song, over and over, on the baby grand piano. His voice cracked as he sang the lyrics.

I just want something I can never have …....

He finally put his head into his hands. When I went to check on him, his eyes were so sad and tired. He refused to admit anything had happened, just told me, this is how his life is, he doesn't deserve any happiness. I asked if Bella was still going to be at my party and he laughed in a nasty, resigned way that yes, she would be here. He had one last scenario for her.

My stomach clenched. I had no idea what was going on with him.

Outwardly he seemed okay the next day, he helped us finish hanging the fairy lights and under his breath he kept muttering "seven" and "At least I am the best of the bunch" but not in a good way, I gathered.

He started drinking, along with Emmett, hours before the party started. This was not that unusual but he kept up with Emmett,drink for drink, and Emmett's massive body weight could handle way more alcohol than Edward's slender frame.

It felt so wrong I wanted to cancel the whole thing. Jasper tried to calm me down but this was nothing like I had planned.

Even when Bella arrived, Edward's mood was all over the place. He would smile his smile at her ,kiss her, then grimace, drink another beer, frown and the light would leave his eyes.

Finally, he took her up to his room, and Jasper became instantly distracted and worried. He hadn't actually drunk much at all himself. He had been making drinks for everyone but rarely had a beer in his own hand.

I begged him to tell me what was going on, but he genuinely seemed to have no more clue than I did. In the end, he and Emmett were too worried to party with us and Jasper asked me to take Rosalie home and stay the night at her place. I was torn, I wanted to be away from whatever was going down, but what if Edward needed me? Jasper begged me and I couldn't refuse. Rose was as edgy as I was. We sat up the rest of the night in her room, talking about what may be happening. I was panicking, Tanya had rung earlier and invited herself to the party as soon as she got changed and unpacked. I prayed this was where Edward kicked her to the curb, but why didn't he just tell her not to come?

Finally exhaustion took over and we fell asleep and didn't waken until noon the next day. I rushed home but it was all over.

Jasper was stricken with sadness and guilt. Edward was lying on his bed, listening to Trent Reznor scream out the pain I knew was in Edward's heart, Emmett had apparently taken "the Bitch" home.

Bella was nowhere in sight but she had slept in the guest room, Jasper told me. Jasper and Emmett refused to tell Rose and I what had happened. I knew the story they related, catching each other's eyes, was not the truth.

Bella had caught Edward in bed with Tanya. That made no sense at all.

He loved Bella, he hated Tanya.

No amount of alcohol changed that truth.

Why would he even think of being in bed with Tanya when he could be in bed with Bella? Even if for some weird, unknown reason he had wanted to be with Tanya, he knew he could do that anytime, he only had to whistle and the bitch would come running. Why would he choose to be with her when Bella was here?

Jasper refused to discuss it further and clammed up on me. No threat or promise would make him say anything further and he was so distraught himself, I reluctantly let it go. Rose was beyond furious that Emmett wouldn't spill the real story and she cut him off for a month. The look of pain in Emmett's eyes had nothing to do with Rose's threat. Something bad had happened.

School the next day proved my fears. Bella walked around like the living dead. Rose and I both spoke to her, tried to ask if there was anything we could do to help, but she truly didn't seem to recognize us or understand what we were saying to her.

Edward ordered us to both leave her alone, but he followed her around like a scolded pup and she ignored him, or just didn't see him.

Tanya came to school smug and loud as usual, and tried to grab Edward's arm. The look on his face frightened everyone in sight. He pulled her roughly and dragged her away to yell at her in the corner of the yard and she screeched back at him, and to my dismay, I saw him raise an arm and almost hit her. Emmett ran to intervene before Edward actually struck her down. What the hell was going on? He clearly had just warned Tanya off finally, permanently, so why the hell the whole Tanya over Bella scene after the party?

The following weeks almost killed Esme. She had been so happy and now she was in the depths of despair. She hugged Edward to her every chance she got and begged him to explain what had happened, how could she help? Edward pushed her away and stayed alone in his room. He ripped the ladder of his fire escape off the wall outside, and threw them into the forest. He closed his window and nailed it shut with twenty more nails than necessary. We got the idea, the skank patrol were no longer welcome.

He smashed his phone when Tanya kept calling him and growled to Emmett that he had better do something to get that Bitch out of his life now, or he would kill her himself. Nothing made any sense. Emmett paid Tanya a visit and from that point on, she stayed away from all of us and never looked in Edward's direction again. Whatever Emmett had told her, had the desired effect.

We were bystanders watching Edward's life unravel. Again.

He had become Exward...the boy who used to be Edward.

Then suddenly, just as we all adjusted and got used to Edward trailing around apologizing hopelessly to Bella's back, and Bella walking around like a zombie, she was gone. So was Seth. We knew Seth had never been happy here so his returning to school at the Rez was no great shock, but Bella had gone with him.

Edward was like a moon whose planet had imploded. He still went to the classrooms Bella would have been in had she stayed but then, he would just watch the students all leave before he could tear himself away and go to his own classes. It was as if he thought if he waited, she would reappear. He never spoke to anyone, when we spoke to him he would frown and mumble something unrelated back. He never smiled, he walked in the rain and didn't notice his clothes were saturated, he forgot to eat, his eyes waited for Leah's car every morning even though he knew Bella would not be in it. He would finally turn away once Leah arrived alone, and no Bella stepped from her car. But he was there again the next morning. And the next.

Edward started leaving school as soon as it ended and parking in Bella's street, hoping for a glimpse of her, then returning home defeated and beyond sad when he failed to ever catch her.

I saw her once myself. I fully expected she would be pale and thin like my brother had become but if anything, she looked thicker, almost chunky. She was bundled up in a hideous sweater and brown cord pants that could not have come out of her wardrobe. She didn't see me but she was talking to Seth, she had recovered that much. Her eyes still looked dead and cold, and had the same purple bruising like Edward's eyes had, but she was recovering.

I hoped.

A few months later I saw Charlie in a car dealership in Port Angeles, buying a small red Volvo. Certainly not the type of car Charlie went for himself, he was a truck owner through and through. So it must be for Sue or Leah, who both had fairly new cars....or Bella. Though I had heard Bella had returned to live with her mother and they probably wouldn't allow her to have a car, I remembered the stories she had told me in class about how restricted her life had been in the cult. I saw both Sue and Leah around in their cars, so I guess it was for Bella. I never saw her driving it, in fact, I never saw her again.

Around this time, something bad happened to Carlisle at work. I guess he lost a patient he had thought was doing fine, or something like that. He was white and pale and shaken for weeks. He wouldn't discuss it, and Esme was beside herself with grief once again. What was happening to this family? Was our share of joy and happiness all used up?

I was actually relieved when Jasper and I moved away to NY to go to college. Rose and Emmett had gone on ahead and when we met up again in the house we were to all share, we made the decision to start our lives afresh, forget the past, and hopefully help my brother move on.

Edward had an apartment of his own. He refused to live with us, saying living in a house with two happy couples was his idea of complete purgatory. He gave us a tour of his apartment when he first moved in but after that we never went further than his dining and sitting rooms. He always locked his bedroom door if we visited. Emmett was convinced he was locking away a vast porn collection , maybe even an inflatable woman.

We saw him around campus but we became used to him throwing himself into his work, day and night, ignoring the girls that tried to flirt with him, even one of his female lecturers made a play for him, and after he publicly spurned her advances, soon the rumors were that he was clearly gay.

But then the gay boys had no more luck than the girls had had, and he was left alone, admired from afar. Many a girl watched him walk by and sighed at the waste.

Apart from us four, he had no friends, he never spoke unnecessarily to any other student and he became the golden boy of the professors as he worked day and night on becoming a doctor, following in Carlisle's shoes. He topped every class, took every honor, and never smiled at anything. Or anyone. Esme had a piano delivered to his apartment. There was always a fine layer of dust on the keys when I looked., but once a year he spent an entire night playing his own compositions and that darn Nine Inch Nails song, it was like a member of our family.

I was the only one who knew he did this, I had dropped in to visit him the first year, on September 13th, knowing it was Isabella's birthday that day and wondering if he wanted to talk to me, so I had gone over alone and heard the music coming from his house. He let me in but warned me not to say a word, so I just sat and listened, and watched my brother shut his eyes and play with more passion than he showed any other time. I stood up and silently left when he finished, I couldn't impose on his grief any further.

I tried to be a good sister to him but I didn't know what to do. He wore all black, every day. I bought him green shirts to match his eyes, a red sweater, a yellow T shirt, an electric blue scarf. He thanked me and put them away. He never wore them.

We took him with us to the beach or pool when we all had a day clear of classes.

While every other male spent their time checking out the leggy blonds in tiny bikinis, Edward had his nose in a book. When Emmett and Jasper pointed out one girl with a particularly large breasts and legs that went on forever, Edward commented her breast implants were slightly uneven and were clearly filled with silicon gel not saline,and her thighs were out of proportion with the lower part of her legs.

He sounded like someone assessing a horse to purchase. While Jasper and Emmett stared open mouthed, he went back to his reading.

One day he shocked us, he was lying beside me on a towel idly watching the other beach goers. He seemed to be staring at a tall blond in a blue bikini. Suddenly he sighed and got up and walked over to her, too far away for us to overhear what he was saying.

"Yes, Eddie boy is back!" crowed Emmett.

Jasper and I were speechless, Edward had approached and spoken to a woman.

The smile on her face dropped and he returned to the towel alone and lay back down.

"What on earth did you say to her?" demanded Rose.

"Lost your touch,bro?" asked Emmett.

"I told her she should be wearing the highest factor sun screen, that mole on her back could easily become a melanoma" answered Edward., instantly dismissing the woman from his thoughts.

He was never short of girls offering to be his study buddy, and he chose them based on their intelligence, never their looks. He could discuss body parts and diseases for hours while hopeful girls batted their eye lashes at him, edging their chairs closer to his, and he would remain oblivious.

Many times he was shocked when one of these buddies became completely frustrated and refused to study with him any more, or leaned in to try and place a kiss on his mouth. He would jump up and shock and virtually run from the room, then he would come to me and tell me about the incidents and wonder what he had done to upset them or lead them on, and I would send him to apologize for his reactions and assure the girls it was all him, not them.

Emmett was nowhere near as subtle, he would take girls to Edward's with him and Rose then remember they had an appointment somewhere and leave the girl in Edward's hands. Every time, Edward immediately herded the girl to his car and offered to drive her back to her place and while some thought he was coming in for "coffee", he always dropped them off at their buildings and drove off, without even stopping the engine while the girl exited his car.

Once Emmett left a particularly keen Edward admirer naked in Edward's bed, convinced after a few beers with the boys, Edward would fall into bed and take what was on offer, seeing there would be no effort involved. Emmett was convinced our brother had simply fallen off the horse and forgotten how to get back into the saddle. Edward was beyond furious, he sent the girl packing, giving her two minutes to put her clothes back on, called her a cab, and Emmett lost custody of Edward's spare key. And got to pay for a new set of linen.

I held dinner parties and invited a new girl each time, one I knew was nice, sweet, unattached, attracted to my broody brother. He hardly noticed they were there. When I made enough hints, he would suddenly notice them and be polite, smile with a smile that never touched his eyes, pour them wine, laugh at their jokes. He never left with any of them, he never called a single one of them even though they gave him their numbers. When I asked about them, he would looked mystified, like he had forgotten they existed. Finally, when I pinned him down and asked him if he could at least tell me his type, what sort of girl I should be inviting, he just looked sad and said he didn't have a type. No girl was "her" therefore he had no interest in girls.

I knew one thing he didn't know I knew. One day in late August, I had seen him in a jewelery store and he came out with a small box which he hurriedly hid when he saw me. I had waited to see if it was a gift for my birthday or Esme's but neither of our gifts from him were jewelery. There was some woman, somewhere, that he bought jewelery for. He didn't ever speak of her or ever appear anywhere with her, but sadly, this little bit of normality was all Esme and I had to cling to. I paid our credit card bills and each year,in the same month, there was a purchase from one jeweler's or another. I hoped she cherished my brother, whoever she was.

Edward never held parties or even invited anyone to dinner at his place. He tolerated us four visiting him if he knew ahead of time and didn't have plans to study at the library that day,but it was always as if he had decided he had to endure us for a set amount of time and while he made us coffee and bought a cake or pastries for us to eat, once our alloted hour was up, he would thank us for coming and accompany us to his door, relieved to be alone again.

He never attended a single party, he occasionally came to a restaurant for dinner with us on the special occasions of our birthdays or anniversaries, but he never brought a guest with him. He even attended my wedding alone. It broke my heart and Esme's, that day. While he was happy for Jasper and myself, he fought against being in the wedding party until finally Carlisle convinced him he should, but as he accompanied my bridesmaid down the aisle, he looked so uncomfortable at her close contact as she put her arm through his, I was honestly scared he was about to bolt from the church. He "mingled" with the guests rather than sit and talk to the poor girl during the reception and was nowhere to be found when the dancing began so she didn't even get a single dance with him.

I had never been in his bedroom until one day when he rang me, he was in a class he couldn't leave and he knew I was in study hall, so he asked me to dash over to his apartment and check , his alarm was apparently triggered by some falling branch on his roof, he just needed me to go punch in the code to stop it. I had his key for emergencies, so I drove over and did as he asked. There was no damage, the man removing the debris assured me, but I checked inside , looking up at the ceilings for any cracks. I walked into Edward's bedroom without thinking, just checking the ceiling. I gasped in shock when I saw the walls. There from dozens of frames, Isabella Swan's face smiled out at me. The photos featured Edward too, his arms around her waist, his lips kissing her head, his hand entwined in hers. An Edward who smiled and laughed. An Edward we had almost forgotten existed. An Edward who loved and knew love back. An Edward who existed before Exward replaced him.

At some point,Edward had found Esme's camera.

On his dresser sat a row of birthday cards. I couldn't help myself, I read what he had written in his perfect script inside. They were all for Bella, all had poems and quotes, song lyrics, or just his own words, saying how sorry he was, how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how he lived with the memory of their time together.

It was as if she had died and lived on in his heart. Each card was dated, there was one for each year since she left. Each had a pressed flower inside. The ink was smudged in places and I knew it was his tears that had done that. Along side of the cards were small, gift wrapped boxes. So, the mystery woman he bought the jewelery for was Bella Swan. A woman whose location he didn't even know. If he did, I was sure he would have sent them, even if anonymously.

I stopped inviting girls to my dinner parties and accepted that for Edward, this was just the way it had to be. It wasn't what I wanted and it sure as hell wasn't what he wanted, it just was.


	8. Chapter 8

Innocence Lost

Chapter 8

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

Bella's POV

Life had never been easy but raising a child when you have no support and no idea what to do, was a challenge I was totally up for. My son was the sunshine of my life. I survived his babyhood, with little sleep and little adult company, but it was worth it. I sat in my rocking chair, a copy of the one my mother had rocked me in as a baby, many a night, gazing into his beautiful emerald eyes. The little face I looked into was a smaller, younger replica of his father's. That caused me the worst pain and the greatest joy of my life.

As he grew into the most adorable bronze haired toddler, I found myself taking photos of him every single day. I guess I had done that since the day he was born, but these photos captured his spirit, his sense of adventure, his joy for life. His auburn hair was soft and framed his chubby face beautifully. It was straight until the ends, when it curled up in a pretty row of soft waves that I could never bring myself to have cut off. He was a stunningly beautiful child and attracted attention wherever we went.

As each year passed, I felt more and more guilty that I had never tried to find a way for Edward to be part of his son's life. Whatever the truth was of that night, I still loved him deep down inside my heart and I wished things could have been different. Was it too late now?

I still was torn when I thought of Edward.

I couldn't make up my mind if he was a devil or an angel.

I could not understand how we had conceived the baby together. I thought about every minute I had been with him, over and over until I thought my head would explode.

I knew the things he had done to me, with my full co operation, could not have led to the pregnancy.

I had talked about it over and over with Leah over the years. I may have led a sheltered life but I knew what sex was, and I knew I had never done that. Never.

I asked Leah if it could have happened while I was asleep, as I had fallen asleep in Edward's arms, in his bedroom that first time we went to his house to "study with Alice", and several times when we were watching movies.

But Leah assured me, she had experienced sex with many boys and even if some sessions had been boring and inadequate, none had been such that she could have slept through.

She had, however, sometimes drunk way too much and had sex that she didn't remember the next day, it was the evidence of her missing clothes, and wet stickiness between her legs that gave away what she had done.

That just didn't apply to me.

Granted, I had woken up minus my underwear. I had blacked out the night before. I had no memory of going to bed in the guest room. But my body had been clean, there was still baby powder on my intimate areas. That indicated either Edward had cared enough for me to wash me after what we had done that I didn't remember , or Edward had washed away the evidence to hide the crime.

I had never spoken to him after that night and I truly regretted that.

I wished I had allowed him the chance to explain himself.

Maybe we had just had consensual sex and I had forgotten for some reason, maybe my drinks had contained alcohol, maybe he was guilty of nothing more than two timing both Tanya and I.

Leah had convinced me finally a year or so after the birth to listen to what she witnessed in the days following the party.

Edward had almost become violent at school the following Monday and Emmett had stopped him hitting Tanya.

Edward had trailed around behind me begging my forgiveness, presumably for the cheating.

Edward had tried to speak to me in the car park that Monday after school.

Conclusion: Edward had wanted to talk to me, to explain what happened.

Alice and Rose had both tried to talk to me many times.

Maybe Edward had asked them to explain what happened seeing I wasn't speaking to him.

After I transferred to the school on the Rez, Edward had become a shadow of his former self.

He had never spoken to Tanya again, she had attached herself to Eric Yorkie and became his "girlfriend".

He had never talked to or dated another girl while at High School.

He had gone to Charlie's house and begged Charlie to tell him where I was, when I had moved to Marie's house on the Rez, many times. He had left a letter with Charlie in the end, just before he left Forks to go away to College.

Sadly, Charlie's rage knew no bounds and he had destroyed the letter. I understood why but I regretted not getting to read it. Maybe it would have explained things.

Leah realized none of this helped me and she agreed to stop talking about him, so for the next few years, he simply was a topic we never raised. I explained as she knew no facts, it wasn't helping me come to terms with anything, so she agreed to let it go and not bring him up again.

Leah's POV

Seth and I both attended NYU though we had taken a gap year so we were a year behind the Cullen twins, Edward and Alice, and their brother Emmett.

Emmett had been kept down some time early in his school career and so he had been in the same year as his younger siblings by the time we met him, thus all three were a year ahead of us at NYU .

I deliberately avoided all three of them, it was easy on such a large campus, we didn't share any classes, I was studying law therefore had no similar interest groups or lecturers in common with any of the Cullens.

Seth was studying History and Education and so he actually mixed a little with Jasper Whitlock but they had never discussed Bella. The closest they came was when Jasper asked how all our family was and Seth gave generic answers that we were all fine.

I feared Edward would harass me but he only approached me once, when I first started. He asked me to have coffee with him so I did. I knew I was in for a grilling but I also knew Bella would never forgive me if I told him anything at all. If he found her, he would also find her son, their son. She could not have coped with that.

So I met up with Edward at the coffee shop and he bought us coffee and we talked. He explained how he missed Bella so much and begged to just know if she was okay. I thought there could be no harm telling him that much so I told him she had gone on with her life and was coping and was happy.

He wanted to know if I was willing to share anything at all about her and I told him sadly that I had promised Bella to never speak of her to anyone, so he had struggled to honor her wish and accept that. I could see the desperation in his eyes and I knew he would wear me down so I told him I had no intention of meeting with him again and that I didn't wish to continue the conversation. He panicked and pleaded for me to just tell me where she was, what state, but I knew it was too dangerous and I refused, and got up and tried to leave. He begged me to tell him one thing, was Bella alone?

I told him truthfully, no, she was living with a boy.

I didn't add any details, Edward had no idea the boy was still in diapers and was a close relative of his He asked me if she loved "this boy" and I assured him, with all her heart and soul. He nodded his head and let me go. He never approached me again.

From that day on, I decided to keep a watch on Edward and just see if he had reverted to old 'love 'em and leave 'em 'Cullen or if he had matured and changed.

As time passed and I never saw him with any girl, I started asking around after him. Many girls warned me to give up, to get over my 'crush', that Edward Cullen didn't date, didn't have friends other than his family, didn't even look at women. Or men.

Seth told me he had picked up the same from Jasper. Edward was completely changed. From manwhore to celibate. Just like that. As soon as the whole Bella fiasco had happened, he had never looked at another girl. Seth went out to a few parties with Jasper so I told him to keep a close eye on Edward and see for himself if what everyone said was true but Edward never attended any parties. The closest he ever got was driving up to collect Jasper and Emmett if they phoned him because they were to drunk to drive themselves.

As the years went on, I just assumed Edward would eventually give in and start dating again at some point but it never happened. I was invited to Alice's wedding the last year of my course, so I went and Edward was in the wedding party. He looked so out of place and almost scared of the bridesmaid, Angela, whom he had to accompany up the aisle. You would think he was being forced against his will to marry her. He sat in his car outside at the reception just to avoid having to dance. I stood in the shadows and watched him. He was listening to classical music and trying to relax and didn't come back inside until the happy couple were about to leave for their honeymoon. Once Jasper and Alice left, he immediately headed back to his car and left as well. No hanging around to attempt to hook up with Angela, then.

Tyler and I had defied the odds and were still together. He had given up his manwhore ways and I had loved him so much that I never went back to my earlier way of life either. From the day we started dating, well initially being friends with benefits, we became a devoted monogamous couple so I knew first hand it was entirely possible for a person to change and stick to it.

The same with Mike and Jess. She had given up her other partners in high school and Mike had struck a bargain with her that if she proved she could stay with him and only him, he would move their friendship along to a higher level, once he trusted her. To everyone's amazement, Jess stuck to her side of the bargain with never a slip. Mike and Jess both attended NYU as well, and nobody there even knew of her past, she was just the devoted girlfriend of Mike Newton.

Finally the news everyone expected happened, and they announced their engagement. Seth and I and Jasper and Alice Whitlock were invited to the engagement party and I even sat at the same table with them. Edward had been invited but hadn't attended, no surprise there. We talked a bit but afterwards , when most people were up dancing. Alice asked if she could just tell me some things, she didn't expect me to contribute anything back, she just wanted to explain some things to me. She told me how Edward had never recovered from Bella leaving, and how he was just an empty shell emotionally, and how she had no hope he would ever move on. She confided she had been in Edward's bedroom and he had photos of Bella from back when they were together in high school, all over his walls. Jasper had sat with us and listened with a sad smile on his face. I could see he grieved so much for his friend. I explained while I did "keep in touch" with Bella, there was nothing I could do for Edward. They understood.

A few months later, tragedy struck. Mike Newton was killed in a car crash just weeks before his wedding to Jess was to happen.

Jess was devastated and left to go back home to Forks, dropping out just short of graduating. A few weeks later we heard the shocking news, unable to live without Mike, Jess had jumped off the cliff at La Push and drowned herself.

We were all stunned and attended a wake some of the students who knew both of them held. Alice had just graduated and landed a job at a fashion house. Jasper still had another year to go.

Jasper was really upset and he sat with me while Alice helped out with food and drinks and he told me the whole story, the truth about that night, what happened with Edward and Bella. I was shocked but I saw Edward's side finally and agreed with Jasper, they were both pining for each other, neither showed any signs of moving on, and life was too short. You just never knew how much time you had left. I made a decision, I told Jasper that Bella and I would be visiting an ice cream shop the next Saturday and if he were there in the cafe next door, where I had often seen him studying with his group, I would try and talk Bella into saying hello to him, and we would just see what happened from there. I warned him not to involve Edward in any way, he was not to be there with Jasper and he was not to know Bella was even living here in NY. He agreed and I also made him promise, the same conditions applied to Alice. If Bella refused to speak to Jasper, then that was it. Over. No harm done. If Edward and Bella were meant to be together, this would be a way for her to meet up with Edward again, if that was what she truly wanted.

Bella's POV

The news that Mike Newton had died in an accident had shocked me, you just assume because you are young and healthy that you will live another sixty or so years, and hearing a contemporary had died shook me to my core.

I almost decided to just get over the past and seek out Edward. I had no idea where to begin. I could always ask Sue if Esme and Carlisle still lived in Forks. I decided to be sensible and not rush into anything yet. I would think about it from all sides and consider all the possible consequences first. What if Edward was happily married, maybe even with a child? Would he even want to know his first son existed? Would he want to meet him and be a part of his life or would he reject him and want nothing to do with us?

Would he go the opposite, and fight me for custody? What if for some reason he or his wife couldn't have a child of their own, was it worth possibly disrupting my sons life to the point where Edward and I shared custody? What was in my sons best interests? I had to put him ahead of myself and ahead of Edward.

I mulled it over for weeks. Then the second blow hit. Jess had taken her own life. Jake had rung me, for the first time in over five years, to tell me himself before I saw it on the news or in the papers. One of the men heading out fishing had found her body floating in the sea.

I was devastated. Poor Jess. We had sort of been almost friends for a little while back in high school.

Even after I realized the rumors that she had been involved with Edward as a fuckbuddy were most likely true, I had never judged her or hated her. He was beautiful and such a nice person, I suppose I may have even considered that role myself, if thats all that had been on offer. Humans are flawed, young humans filled with hormones and trying to sort out their place in the world often made bad or stupid, thoughtless decisions.

Who was I to judge? I had kept a son away from his father for over five years because I couldn't swallow my pride and hurt and just face the man and ask him what the hell happened that night.

What did I really have to lose? If Edward rejected us and never wanted us in his life, what had I lost? Nothing. He wasn't in our lives anyway.

What if he wanted us, in some capacity? What if we, now mature adults, could forge a friendship and create a better life for our son? I had to try.

Leah was coming to visit this weekend. She wanted us to go to the ice cream shop with her but afterwards, when my son was asleep in bed that night, I was taking courage and asking her if she knew where any of the Cullens were. I had to at least make an attempt to track down Edward. Then it was down to Fate. Was she a vicious harpy or an angel on my side?


	9. Chapter 9

A/N Ok my daughter explained everything to me. This story has 2556 hits and 942 visitors and 27 reviews so I am updating too quickly so now I have to wait until the reviews go up significantly so it attracts new readers. So next update will take a while. Sorry. So if you want to know how Edward reacts, review. Review older chapters to, if you haven't. Then it will update faster. I kinda get the system now. I will go write a new story so I don't get obsessed over this one.

Innocence Lost

We'll Meet Again

Chapter 9

Bella's POV.

Leah had arrived this morning and now we waited our turn to be served in the ice cream parlor. Just then, my cellphone rang so I left my son in Leah's capable hands and stepped outside to answer. I saw it was Charlie, and I knew he would be checking to that all was well with his two daughters and his grandson. Just as I answered, a group of students sitting outside a cafe next door caught my eye, and I gasped quietly as I recognized the tall, slim blond ,more mature Jasper Whitlock. He was reading as his companions sat discussing some old battle, so for a moment my reaction was to slip away before he noticed me, then I realized, maybe Fate was on my side at last. Leah came out of the shop with my son who jumped around excitedly and she cautioned him to be careful or he would drop his ice cream cone. She had a habit of referring to my son by his full name...well, almost his full name, we never used his first Christian name, just his middle two.

"Emerson Jasper Swan, if you aren't careful you will drop that and then you won't be happy".

I saw Jasper's lips curl into a smile at hearing his own unusual name being spoken to a child, and he glanced up. His face froze in shock when he saw Emerson, and his eyes sought me out, looking for me, the woman he knew would not be far away from this exquisite child. In that one moment, he knew everything. He staggered to his feet and rushed towards me.

"Bella, Oh My God, Bella, I had no idea" he cried.

I realized Carlisle had kept his word, there was no way Jasper had any idea my son existed, it was written all over his face. He was genuinely shocked to the bone.

He grasped at my arms, to keep me there, so I couldn't run, not knowing I had no intention of doing so. My peaceful existence was done, I had enjoyed a little over five years of anonymity, but that was about to change. By my own choice.

"Is Alice here,too?" I asked.

"She is at work, she works for a fashion design company here. I am still studying. Rose and Emmett live with us, near campus. I can't believe this. How long have you lived here, Bella?"

"Five and a half years, since Emerson was six weeks old", I answered.

"But we have lived here over four years and we never ran into you?".

"It's New York, Jasper, there are a few other people here. Is he....?"

Jasper knew exactly what I was asking, who I was talking about.

"Yes, yes, Oh My God, Edward.. I have to call...".

"Please, Jasper" I begged. I don't know exactly what I was begging for.

I knew he could not keep this from his best friend. Had Emerson not been with me, I am sure I could have convinced Jasper to not tell Edward I was here if that was what I wanted, but Jasper knew what I should have accepted years ago. Edward had a right to know his son existed.

Now the time had come. The only control I had was how Edward was told. I had little time to think of the best way. I grasped Jasper and we sat down at an empty table.

"Do you want to call him?" he offered, holding his phone out toward me.

Leah tentatively approached the table, her hand firmly holding Emerson's.

She sat him up on the empty chair next to Jasper. Jasper could not pull his eyes away fro my sons face.

Emerson gazed back at him, his melting ice cream forgotten. Jasper held his other hand out to my son.

"Hello, Emerson, my name is Jasper. I suspect you were named after me,seeing there are not many Jasper's in the world" he joked.

Emerson took his hand and grinned in delight as Jasper shook it. Leah leaned towards Emerson with a paper napkin and cleaned the white mess from his mouth and chin. Emerson let go of Jasper's hand and turned his attention back to his ice cream and started to lick the melting treat up.

Jasper returned his gaze to me.

"Edward has to be told" he repeated."Do you want me to call him, or will you?"

"Where is he?What's he doing? Is he...married?

"He is interning at John Hopkins, he is on call today, I am sure he can get away."

I looked intently at Jasper, silently pleading for him to answer my other question.

"No, Bella, he isn't married. He isn't engaged, he isn't in a relationship..."

"Same old Edward, then" I shakily replied.

"No, Bella, not same old Edward by any means. He has not touched a woman since you, since that night...I would bet my life, Alice's life, on it".

"What do you mean? Tanya was..."

"A prop, a necessary evil. He was awake when you went into his bedroom that morning. He had spent the night on his floor. He asked Tanya to sleep naked in his bed so he could stage his little show for you. I texted him to set it up when you were in the shower."

I was completely confused.

"Why? Why would he do that, Jasper? If he didn't want to see me any more, why didn't he just tell me my time was up? Why was he so cruel, so heartless? How could he destroy me like that?" I screamed.

Jasper leaned over and grabbed my face, turning it so I had no choice other than to face his.

"Listen to me, Bella. A lot of mixed up bad stuff went down that night. Edward thought you were sleeping with those seven "boyfriends" you had from La Push. He asked Jessica to check with you and see if you had dropped them, if you had chosen Edward over them. He loves, loved you"he hastily corrected himself" with all his heart and the knowledge you were still with those other boys destroyed him."

"He decided to take what was on offer, he was very sad and mixed up and pretty drunk, don't forget. He wanted you for himself and when he thought that was never going to happen, he spent that one evening with you, in his bed. Then when he ...had sex with you, he realized you were a virgin. You blacked out soon after the act and he cleaned you up and had Emmett and I take you down to the guest room. He was devastated at what he had done to you. He hoped you were drunk enough to have no memory of what had happened between you, that you would think you were still a virgin.

He used Tanya to stage the scenario he knew without a doubt would force you to leave him, and move on. Of course, I can see it was all completely pointless. Why didn't you tell him ,Bella? Once you knew you were pregnant. He would have been there for you. He would have thought all his dreams had come true".

"Tell him? I had no idea until I was six and half months along that I was even pregnant! If it wasn't for Sue, I would probably have gone to class and had the baby in the classroom without even knowing why. I had no idea I had even had sex. God, I stood there and told Carlisle I was a virgin. He had to show me the baby on an ultrasound to convince me it existed. I had no idea who I had sex with that night. All the signs seemed to indicate it wasn't Edward, that he was otherwise engaged. I even suspected it may have been you, Jasper. You were the one who made my drinks, you were the one sitting by my bed when I woke up. Until the moment Carlisle delivered Emerson and we all saw the copper hair, the green eyes, none of us had any idea who fathered my child"

Jasper gasped in shock and I realized what I had just revealed.

"Carlisle delivered the baby? Carlisle knew Edward had a son all this time?"

"Oh God, Jasper. I had no memory of that night, Carlisle thought someone had drugged and raped me. I know now, if Edward had sex with me, I was no doubt a very willing participant...but I didn't know what to think. I started to believe what Carlisle said. I thought Edward must have drugged me. How could I have not remembered? I wanted to sleep with Edward so much, I dreamed about it literally, every night. How could it happen and I not remember? "

"Bella, this is all my fault. I was making you drinks, just as you said. The boys and I, we had a special drink we prepared when a girl was a little tense, needed calming. I had no idea, we had no idea, you had never drunk before. You were probably completely drunk and Edward was so clouded by disappointment and determination, he didn't even realize the state you were in. He didn't force you, Bella, but he didn't ask you, either. He just initiated sex and you went along with it. He thought you were experienced, he thought you had sex with seven other boys on a regular basis, he had no idea until it was over....."

I finally knew the answer.

"But this doesn't explain, how could Carlisle not tell Edward. I know, ethics dictate confidentiality, but he could have, I don't know, hinted, made Edward see you pregnant, set it up so Edward was in there helping when you went for your check ups...made Edward accompany him to the hospital the day the baby was born."

"No, Jasper, I told you, nobody knew who the father was until Emerson was born. Then it was obvious. Carlisle and I both thought Edward had drugged me, forced me, I threatened to have Edward charged if he found out about the baby. I blackmailed Carlisle into silence. God, if I only knew...if I had just woken up in Edward's bed the next morning. Even if I didn't remember, I would have known I was a willing party, I would have coped, we would have worked things out. I would never have demanded he marry me or be there for the baby.."

"Oh he would have been there, he would have married you in a heartbeat, seventeen or not. He loved you so much."

I gasped at this knowledge. Edward had loved me! Could I trust what Jasper had just told me?

Jasper saw the doubt in my eyes.

"I have an idea. Before we do anything else, I am taking you somewhere. Come with me..oh, I guess you need a car seat for Emerson. Where is your car?"

We walked to where my red Volvo was parked. Jasper took my keys and I climbed into the front passenger seat. Leah sat with Emerson in the back. Jasper drove us to the building where Alice worked, dashed inside and was back in minutes.

"I haven't told Alice anything. We need to do this, and see Edward before we tell anyone else".

He pulled out back into the traffic and we drove for a few miles. He parked in front of a small apartment block. A beautifully restored Victorian house had been divided into two lavish apartments. He took us to the door of one, and opened it with the key he had gotten off Alice. I walked in.

"Do you live here?" I asked, wondering why he had brought me here.

"Nope, this is Edward's home. Come here."

He walked me down the hallway and opened a door. I gasped in shock. On all four walls of what was clearly Edward's bedroom, dozens of photos stared back at us. I didn't know which to look at first. Edward and I, kissing. Edward and I, lying on the grass. Edward with me sitting on his lap, him kissing the top of my head. Edward and I, laughing at each other. Edward gazing into my eyes, a small happy grin on his face.

These photos told me something I had never known for sure.

Edward had loved me.

There was no denying it. It had been captured for all time in these photos, it was impossible to look at them and not think "Here is a man in love, a couple in love".

How had everything became so destroyed, so broken?

If the photos were still here, had he never moved on? Was he as stuck in the past as I was?

It was easier for me. I had a reason to live, to chose to remain alone, because I wasn't alone. I had my son, our son. Who did Edward have?

I had to see him. I asked Jasper to ring him,and ask him to come home. Then I asked him to take Leah and Emerson to the park across the road, and to keep the boy out of sight when Edward arrived home. I wanted to see him, talk to him, before he saw Emerson.

If he reacted badly, if he didn't want anything to do with me once he found out what I had robbed him of, I didn't want Emerson there to see it. Even if Edward blamed me, as he should, I was sure he would want to see his son, establish a relationship with him. I would never stand in his way. A small fear gnawed at my insides. What if Edward took Emerson away from me?

Jasper finished speaking and closed his phone.

"He is off in fifteen minutes so I have asked him to meet me here. Are you sure you don't want me to stay, to help explain everything?"

"How do you think he will react, Jasper? I have stolen the first five years of his son's life from him."

Jasper shook his head.

"Remember, it was his actions and his decision that lead to that whole mess happening. If he had just waited and talked to you and told you what he had done, you two would have been together all this time, I have no doubt of that. I know you loved Edward. And I know he loved you".

I knew that,too, now. The evidence was all around me, staring me in the face.

Jasper left, and I heard him start my car and drive it further down the street then pull in and park . He and Leah unbuckled Emerson and took him deeper into the park, towards a children's playground.

I could no longer see them. I wandered from room to room. Edward's baby grand piano looked perfectly at home, sitting in front of the bay window. It looked forlorn, unplayed, a layer of dust on the keys suggested it had been maybe months since he had touched it .

I wandered back into his bedroom. A row of cards sat on his dresser. They were odd cards for anyone to send a man, they were all flowers and hearts, girlie....did he have a girlfriend? A girlfriend who had just had a birthday? A girl Jasper knew nothing about? I picked up the nearest card and read inside.

"My Darling Isabella...". I checked the others, they were all the same, all written to me.

I heard a car pull up. I returned to the sitting room and sat on the couch.

Moments later the door opened and there stood Edward. A boy no more. A fully fledged Greek God of a man.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Thanks for reviews. I found an amazing fanfic and I love her Edward!

He is way better than mine. Its complete.

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5186191/1/I_Will_Follow_You_Into_The_Dark

Innocence Lost

Reunited

Chapter 10

Edwards POV.

Last night had been a particularly bad night for me. My success with my studies was just not fulfilling me, I had concentrated so long and so hard on becoming a doctor and now that goal was ever nearing, I was starting to panic about what I would do next. Once I was fully qualified, what would my goal be? What the heck, really, did I have to live for? I had managed to keep these more morose thoughts away most nights, but my life ahead just looked empty and pointless. Sure, I could be Dr Edward Cullen, amazing doctor, savior of lives, best surgeon or neurologist or research scientist if I chose to study longer, but my heart and my bed would still be as cold and empty.

I looked back at my life, the starting point were everything had gone wrong and bad. That party at Tanya's. The drugs, the consequences of the drugs. My being completely under their influence and having no control of what happened next.

I had never wanted my sex life to begin that way. I hadn't given it a thought when I took that first drag or when Tanya offered me that first pill. I was just looking for excitement, adventure, Jas and Emmett were smoking, it seemed like the thing to do. The idea that a pill could make the experience of getting off my face even better had pulled me in, I had no sense of judgment at that moment.

Even when Tanya and Jess pulled me into that bedroom, my mind was way beyond protesting, things just happened that I hadn't asked for and I had no control over and had no way to stop.

I had been raised right and my mother had always told me to save myself and keep my virginity for the right girl, a special girl, don't let my teenage hormones take over and influence my choices, and one day she would come along and I would know the time was right. Not necessarily after I got married, but I had hoped for any sexual relationships to be emotionally meaningful and to be the result of love on both sides, that this special girl would love and respect me as much as I did her, and we would decide to make love out of those feelings.

Then Tanya changed all that and took away my choices.

Once I had experienced the dual sensations of drugs and sex, those earlier hopes and dreams were gone, over. It could never happen that way now, so I may as well make the best of things and grab what I could, what was on offer. This attitude ultimately led to the worst decision of my life and in a way, I was almost happy that I had to pay and keep paying for taking away Isabella's choices,as I knew how devastating it had been for me. Yet that hadn't stopped me doing the same thing to her.

Tanya hadn't asked me if I wanted to have sex with her, I hadn't asked Isabella if she wanted to have sex with me. The difference was only that Tanya knew I was a virgin and ignored that, I at least thought Isabella was experienced and as much a player as I had become by that stage.

This doesn't excuse what I did at all.

That night when I slept with Isabella was the first time I had sex and didn't wish I was still having the enhanced feelings the drugs used to provide. The sense of bonding with her and being inside a woman I loved was overwhelming and no doubt clouded my mind, I should have felt her barrier and known what I was about to do. Desperation to have that closeness and to experience being one with her had dampened down the warnings my brain was receiving.

In other words, I had fucked up.

And sadly I wasn't the only one who paid the price. Seeing the girl I loved beyond reason so emotionally crippled, so unable to speak and barely able to function had been so far from what I had assumed would happen. I truly thought she would discover Tanya and I, maybe scream at us, hit me, run out maybe crying, yes, I knew that was a big possibility but I thought she would be mad and angry and determined to move on. Not be sucked in by other players.

I had even had the insane idea once she calmed down and got over what happened, she and I could have been friends and I could have influenced her future choices where boys were concerned. There were many players at Forks High but there were also many quiet, respectful guys, like Jasper, who would do the right thing by his girl, regardless of the actions and heckling of their friends.

I had hoped to push Isabella into the arms of a worthy boy. Then burn in my own private hell when she laughed at him and kissed him and walked hand in hand, oblivious to my broken heart. Thats what I wanted for her.

The day I found out Leah Clearwater had started college at NYU, my heart had jumped in my chest and as much as I didn't want to, knew I shouldn't, I knew I was going to ask her about Isabella. I expected to hear my angel had moved on but hoped against hope she hadn't, selfishly I wanted Leah to say "No, Edward, she is alone, she is waiting for you to go back and get her, she has forgiven what you did and loves you with all her heart" and I would have done just that. Hey, if I am fanticizing, I may as well go the whole hog. Had there been any hope, any slither of a future for us, I would have grasped it with two hands and done whatever was necessary to get Isabella back into my life and to spend the rest of time trying to make up for what I had done.

When Leah told me Isabella had moved on, was living with a boy, was happy, my heart disintegrated into a million pieces. Surprising really, I had thought my heart was long dead by that stage. I had barely managed to nod my head, I couldn't have spoken to save my life.

I did try to accept it finally, that Isabella and I would never be, that there was no point hoping any longer, and I avoided Leah from then on. I knew I would not be able to hear her cheery announcements,

"Hey Edward, remember Isabella? She is engaged. "

"Hey, guess what, Isabella is getting married and I am her bridesmaid."

"Hey Edward, I'm going to be an aunt, Isabella is having a ba....." I couldn't even allow that thought to fully form.

No, those would have driven me to desperation, I wouldn't have been able to stand it.

And despite what Alice and the others think, I have tried to move on. Once I knew Isabella was taken, I did attempt to talk about more than our course work to my study buddies. Some of those girls were really good friends to me except I gave nothing back to them. I did try. I listened to their chatter, I answered their questions, I started subjects on my own, "How was your weekend?","How was your spring break?", but I couldn't learn how to actually care about their answers. I tried to show enthusiasm but failed miserably. I tried to care. I wanted a life, I wanted a girlfriend , a wife someday and a family. It wasn't like I was closing those doors voluntarily. They just wouldn't open because the only girl who could open them for me, with me, was gone, taken, living that life with another. I wondered if it was Jacob Black. He was a nice person, he had looked out for her. I should have hoped it was him. All I knew was, it wasn't me.

I had decided when I started at NYU that I would only commence a sexual relationship with a woman if I was in love with her and she with me. Thus my years of celibacy.

I was surprised when I pulled up at my apartment to find no car, Jasper must have gotten a lift over. Maybe his wife, my annoying little pixie of a sister, had brought him. A quick look down the street revealed only a small red Volvo parked further along, near the children's playground.

I pulled up and went inside, expecting to see my brother-in-laws smiling face. At least one of us remembers how to smile. I haven't smiled in years, any time I have tried to fake it, it has come out more of a grimace.

No sign of Jasper, he isn't in the kitchen raiding my fridge. I walked into the sitting room.

All the air left my body.

"Isabella?".

Am I dreaming? Am I dead and gone to Heaven? Has thinking about her made her materialize in front of me?

I couldn't move.

The most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet is sitting on my sofa. More grown up, shapelier, more beautiful than I remember her.

I took a halting step towards her.

"Isabella". No doubt about it.

"Edward" she rasped out my name and ran to me, falling into my arms. I pulled her closer, breathing in her scent, putting my nose in her long brown hair. I held her in a death grip. I could not have let her go if my life depended on it. She was never leaving me again. I was keeping her. She would not be leaving this room, this apartment, if I had any say at all. Surely even God didn't hate me enough to give her back to me, only to snatch her away again.

I noticed the top of her head was wet, water drops were dripping into her hair, then I realized, my tears, they were my tears. I wanted to step back so I could see her face but my arms refused to ease their grip on her.

We stood that way for a lifetime, or was it just hours, minutes? What the hell does time mean anyway? The last five years just disappeared.

"I am so, so very sorry. Isabella, I am so sorry. I was wrong, I went about it all wrong. I am so sorry."

The words left my lips without me even realizing I was thinking them, let alone saying them.

"I should have had the guts to tell you what I did, what I stole from you, to stay and help you understand, to apologize and face up to what I had done. I never, ever meant to hurt you. I was young and scared and stupid and I have paid every single minute of every single day since that morning. I tried to save you, I really did. I did it for you, only you."

Isabella pulled back away from me and I instinctively tried to pull her back, but I realized what I was doing, and let my arms drop. If she wanted my arms around her, it had to be her choice. Not mine.

She looked up at me, through the tears coursing down her face, and smiled the smile I had dreamed of for over five years.

"Edward, as you probably guessed, I ran into Jasper today. He is here, outside, and we need to talk".

I sank to my knees, and she pulled me onto the sofa so I didn't end up on the floor. My brain seemed to be numb.

I turned to face her, to breathe her in, to bask in the beauty of her face. She was more shapely, more mature, a woman now, I guess the leap from a seventeen year old girl to a twenty three year old woman is quite a gap. She looked just like I imagined she would. Her eyes drew me into their endless depths and drowned me in their melted chocolate.

"Edward" she repeated.

"Can you .... tell me all about that night" she asked.

I pulled myself upright. That night. The end of everything.

"It started before that night, Isabella,it started the moment I met you".

"Okay" she sighed, sitting back against the cushions. How many times have I imagined her here? I had to touch her, make sure she was real, this was happening, and that my mind hadn't just cracked, finally, given up on reality and turned to fantasy to survive.

I reached for her and she smiled, understanding my need. She took my hands into hers, intertwined our fingers and settled them on her lap.

"The moment I met you, I was intrigued. Yes, honestly, at first is was just an immature need to have you before the other boys, but that meant I had to spend time with you and as soon as we started hanging out together, I started falling for you. I tried to stay on track, just focus on the goal but the goalposts shifted and my need became for your company, for your affection, and God, for your love. I came to love you so much, so deeply, but I was greedy and I wanted all of you. I didn't want to share and somehow, I was under the impression you were already the fuckbuddy to those seven boys on the Rez. I couldn't reconcile the two Isabella's. The one I loved and adored and wanted to spend my whole life with, and the one I knew was simply using me, had no real interest in me, was only with me because, unlike her other sexual partners, I was getting her off. I couldn't understand why you were letting those boys have access to your body if they did nothing for you.

I understood meaningless sex all too well, but still, it just seemed crazy to me. I hoped and prayed you would lose interest in them and just want to be with me.

I asked Jess, that Friday, to ask you if you were still seeing those boys, even though we seemed to be forging a bond, having a relationship and I was devastated when she told me you were still attached to them, still considered them, like me, your boyfriends.

I couldn't accept being one of eight, of there being seven others..

Even if I was in the number one spot, it didn't help. I, for once, was not sleeping with any other girls, and I didn't even want to.

The more I got to know you, the more I wanted you and only you. I didn't even rush you into my bed, at least, when you were in my bed, I didn't rush into sleeping with you. I wanted more from you than sex, I wanted love.

When it seemed I was never going to get that, I decided I would take what I could get, I would be the best lover you had, I would leave you in no doubt I was better than them. I felt bitter and disappointed that that was all I could be to you.

We spent all those hours together and I almost convinced myself I meant more, something important, to you. But hearing you were still with those other boys, it destroyed me.

I took you to my meadow because I wanted to pretend the only two people in the world were you and me, but reality kept sneaking in and so I just gave up, accepted the inevitable. I had never been in love before and my heart was smashed to pieces knowing you didn't feel the same way for me.

So, I got Jasper to liquor you up, I was already half drunk before you even arrived, and I took you up to my room and had sex with you. I didn't stop and ask if it was what you wanted, I just figured, if they were getting this from you, then I may as well take it too. Seeing that was all you offered. Mid thrust I felt your barrier, but that couldn't be right so I pressed on and afterwards you just passed out, so I sat there looking at you, wondering how someone could be so good and sweet and perfect yet be no better than me, than the other skanks I had been with. Then I saw the blood. And I knew I had been wrong, so wrong. I had assumed things, and confused what you had said.

Why did you tell me you had been tested the week before?" he paused to ask.

"Sue had taken me to be tested for diabetes. Charlie had a scare,and his diabetes test results showed he was borderline diabetic. I just thought, with your father being the doctor Charlie saw, that you knew about his problem and you were asking if I had been tested too, for diabetes. I knew nothing of sex and STD's, Edward, I had no idea people had to be regularly screened."

"Oh," he looked like he understood finally.

"Then what did you think I meant when I asked you if you were safe?It was what we boys asked to girls to see if they were on the Pill. I am guessing it meant something else to you?"

"Yes, Jake and the boys were always concerned I would get hurt so they were forever asking me if I was safe, felt safe and secure in whatever we were doing, riding the motorbikes, cliff diving... I just thought you were asking if I felt safe being with you, which I did"

He looked chastened that it meant such a different,less noble thing to him.

"Why did you tell me you chatted?You are Leah's sister, you must have known chatting meant sleeping with any boy who asked?"

"Nope, again, Leah and Jess and Lauren had not told me anything about their activities and when some boys had asked if I chatted, they jumped in and said I didn't. I didn't see any harm TALKING to random boys, so when you asked, I told you I was ready to chat with you anytime. Now I see what you thought I was saying. My God, I was raised in a cult. Until I hung around with the Quilete boys, I had no experience even talking to males. I took everything at face value. I had no sophistication, no knowledge of codes and loose morals and no idea teenagers just slept together randomly. To me, sex was something a married couple did. I knew things were going on but after you touched me that first time, that was what I thought the others were doing."

"I didn't think" he sighed. "Of course you didn't know. I remember how shocked you were when Jasper smoked in front of you, I should have realized how sheltered your life had been. I was a fool, in so many ways".

"So, you slept with me, which I have still no memory off by the way, and you used Tanya to set me up the next day so I would leave you alone and go find a decent boy. You just didn't want me to know you took my virginity?"

"Yes, I thought I was doing the right thing. I realized you were probably too drunk and would not remember, so it seemed like you could have a second chance. I was such a deplorable lowlife with no morals at all, I knew I could not be your first. I had to give that back to you. So I made you believe nothing happened and the best way to prove that was to show you I was with Tanya. There was no way she would ever admit she and I had slept separately, that I hadn't touched her. I knew you would conclude you were still a virgin. I washed your thighs and intimate areas with a warm washer and cleaned up all your blood and my semen, and dried and powdered your body so you would have no idea, wouldn't be able to smell me on you, in you. You never suspected at all, did you?"

"No, Edward, I didn't.. You did such a thorough job you led me to believe your father was lying when he told me I was pregnant."

The color left his face and he gasped for air.

"Pregnant? I made you pregnant? Oh My God, Isabella, what did I put you through?. What did you do? Did you have....did you terminate?"

"No, Edward. I had the baby. We have a son. He is five and a half years old."

"Did you keep him?" he asked, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

"Yes, of course I kept him. At first, when I was pregnant, I had no idea where he came from, I had no idea he was yours. After I told Carlisle my story, he concluded I had been drugged and raped. I knew you had been with Tanya so I ruled you out. I actually wondered if Jasper had done it. The moment he was delivered, we all knew he was yours. Even...the doctor who delivered him".

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you make me step up if you knew he was mine?, if you knew I was responsible?"

"Edward , I thought you drugged and raped me and then slept with Tanya. I hardly saw you as father material".

"OMG, what have I done?" his head dropped into his hands and he sobbed tears of pain and regret.

I moved closer and rubbed his back.

"Will you ever let me see him?" he gasped through his tears.

"Of course I will. Now I know the truth, I am hoping you will want to be a father to him, in whatever capacity you feel you can be".

"Where is he? When can I meet him?" he asked desperately.

I picked up his cell phone and scrolled through to Jaspers number, and made the call. Minutes later, there was a quiet knock on the door and I walked over and opened it. Jasper and Leah released Emerson's hands, then Jasper whispered they would wait outside. I smiled my thanks and walked my son into the sitting room to meet his father.

Edward's eyes were glued to the door and he stood up and shook with emotion when he saw his son for the first time. I walked Emerson over to him and pushed Edward back to sitting on the sofa. His eyes met his son's and he smiled a watery smile at him. He put out his hand, just as Jasper had done.

"Hello. My name is Edward Cullen, whats your name?" he asked

"My name is Edward Emerson Jasper Cullen Swan, but mommy just calls me Emerson", he took Edwards hand and shook it delightedly..

"Well, its really nice to meet you, Emerson" Edward replied.

"I have some of the same names as you" piped up Emerson."So I must be named after you ,too. I was named after Uncle Jasper as well, you know".

"Yes, you were named after me and I shall always love your mommy for doing that for me" replied Edward.

"Are you my uncle too?"

Edward froze, then looked up to me, seeking guidance.

"Tell him" I replied.

"No, Emerson, I am not your Uncle. I am your father. I am your daddy and you and I are going to be best friends now we have met".

Emerson ran his fingers through his hair.

Edward smirked at this familiar habit he had himself, as did his father.

"Genetics" he smirked.

"Okay let's go let Auntie Leah and Uncle Jasper in, so we can all have a nice visit" I suggested to Emerson.

Edward took the time to pull himself together, and was looking remarkably calm by the time we all returned.

He hugged Leah and shook Jasper's hand, thanking them.

Jasper led Leah to the kitchen and we all sat at the dining table and had coffee and juice for Emerson.

"What happens next?" asked Leah.

"I suggest you and Emerson come to visit Alice and I tonight and we give Mommy and Daddy a chance to talk" suggested Jasper quietly.

"Daddy" murmured Edward,smiling and liking how it sounded.

"Wait," said Leah. She pushed Edward and my chairs together and lifted our son onto our laps so he straddled my right and Edwards left knee, and took a photo with my phone, then Edwards phone. I took Edward's phone back and quickly scrolled to Carlisle's number. I sent the photo to him, hoping it would make up for some of the pain I had caused him over the last five and half years. I should never have forced him to keep what he knew from his son.

Leah then hugged me and Edward, and we hugged Jasper and I told my son to be on his best behavior tonight.

"They may as well sleep over, give you two plenty of time and space. Leah can bring him back tomorrow when Alice goes to work and I go to class, so ten a.m.?" said Jasper.

I nodded and they left after Edward hugged his son . Emerson insisted on shaking hands again then off he went,excited to be having a sleepover without his mom.

Once they were gone, I knew there was one more mess I had to clean up.

"Edward, I have to tell you one more thing and please know, I had this person over a barrel, he couldn't do anything, it was all my fault".

Edward looked scared at what I was about to say.

"Are you married, Bella? Did Jake do the right thing and step into the role I should have had?"

"No, no, Jake and I were together for a while before I found out Emerson was on the way, but no, I haven't seen Jake since I left La Push over five years ago. This is about the doctor who delivered our son".

"No" Edward cried as he realized what I was about to say."No, he would have told me, he would have found a way....."

"I made sure he couldn't tell you. I now realize doing that to him was probably as bad as keeping you from your son for the first five years of his life."

"What did you do to stop Carlisle telling me"

"I told you how he believed I had been drugged and raped? I half believed it myself. I told Carlisle if you ever found out, I would have you charged. Charlie would have loved to lock you up." I confessed.

Edward didn't react in anger as I expected.

"Well,Isabella, it was almost true. I plied you with alcohol. I took your virginity while you were too drunk to even remember. Isn't that much the same as drugging and raping you?"

"I don't think so. I do wish I had been sober but I know myself, Edward. Had you asked, I would have gladly handed you my virginity on a plate. I dreamed about it, I know I would have agreed in a heartbeat. I bet I made no effort to even stop you, did I?"

"You were in no state to stop me, I was determined to have you that night. If we could turn the clock back,it would have all been so different".

"You already tried turning the clock back and look where that got us. No, we won't look back and regret, we accept we were both in the wrong and we move on and make some mutually beneficial plans to raise our son. If you are in, I want you in 100%. Emerson needs a father, and you are the best man for that role. What do you say, do you want the job?"

"100%, Isabella. I am in fully and I will be the best dad I can be to our boy."

"Glad to hear that,welcome aboard. And don't think you will get all the easy bits, taking him to the zoo while I make him clean his room. We are in this together. "

" What about us? What will our relationship be? Do you still have a boyfriend? Have their been many men in your life since me?I asked Leah several years ago when she first started at NYU and she told me you were living with a boy."

"Um, that 'boy' would have been Emerson, he is the only person I have lived with in NY. The only other boyfriend I ever had was Jacob, sadly for him I was not in my right mind when we were together, I think I had a type of mental breakdown when you left me, he tried to put me together again and I tried to make him into a substitute you so it was doomed. Then I found out I was six months pregnant and that was it,we gave up. I wasn't even willing to try. I knew the baby wasn't Jacobs, we never had sex, so I guess I just lost my faith in men and chose to go it alone."

"Are you saying you have not slept with any man but me?Ever? Still?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yep, and don't forget, I have no memory of sleeping with you, so my brain thinks I am still a virgin. Despite the whole baby thing. How about you? Jasper tells me there's no Mrs Edward Cullen?"

"Nope. I have only ever considered one woman for that role and I threw her away, which I will regret until my dying day. I haven't actually dated or slept with a woman since you, Isabella."

"Really?So Jasper was right. Edward, I should probably tell you, Jasper brought me here to show me your bedroom"

"I am glad he did. Not that I knew he had ever been in my bedroom before..I suppose that pesky sister of mine snuck in one day when I was at work ."

"Tell me what you want, Edward. Best case scenario"

"I want you back in my life, eventually in my bed, I want to raise my son in a family situation. In fact, I want you to move in, if not with me, then in the other apartment of this building. I own them both and I was actually putting off getting another tenant until I got the place repainted. It will be finished in about three weeks. Would you please consider moving in there, knowing my whole hope will be, someday,when you are ready, you will move in here, into this apartment, with me?Please?"

"Okay"

"Okay? Just like that? No let me think about it?"

"I think I have thought about it enough. I think we have been apart quite long enough, I want you, you want me, we already have the kid bit done, what's the point in holding off and going through the motions of pretending we are thinking this through sensibly. I've done sensible for over five years. I want to do reckless. After what happened with Mike and Jess, I say screw what everyone else thinks. Let's just do what we want."

"Isabella, you never fail to surprise me. So, are you moving in here with me or next door?"

"I suppose I will choose next door for appearances sake, just so Charlie doesn't have a heart attack, but I am giving you notice, Cullen. Expect your apartment to be invaded on a daily basis, and part of the deal is you take me on two dates a week, and take all three of us out at least once a week. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Would you like our first date to be tonight?"

"Nope, tonight you are taking my virginity, and there will be no alcohol involved. This time, I want to remember. Everything".


	11. Chapter 11

Innocence Lost

Taking Isabella's virginity...again.

Chapter 11

Edward POV

I could hardly bear to tear myself away from Isabella but I had things to do. If I was taking her virginity tonight, I was doing it right, this time. Few people get a do-over so I appreciated the uniqueness of this chance to do it properly and get it right this time.

I suggested I drop her at Alice's so she could catch up and introduce our son to his aunt herself. Once she was inside, I rushed off to purchase a few necessities.

I had never entertained anyone in my house, other than my half hearted attempts with Alice and Jas and Emmett and Rose of course, and this was Isabella.

Isabella.

Just seeing her again had changed everything. Holding her in my arms was a dream come true.

Now I get to kiss her and take her virginity, again, the right way.

Yesterday I felt like the unluckiest man on earth, today I am the luckiest, no doubt.

I had to buy so many things. Candles, rose petals, wine...no, no alcohol. Non alcoholic wine, then. New sheets, champagne glasses... I went straight to the bridal department.

I rushed back home and stripped the bed of its black sheets, black bed cover, and remade it with the new linens. I had bought a snowy, white bed cover, sheets and pillow cases. Everything had to be perfect.

I chilled the pretend wine, arranged the many small pink and white candles all around my bedroom. I filled a dozen vases with pink, white and red roses.

I threw the soft pink rose petals on the floor leading from the door to the bed.

I put the new pale pink bath sheets into the bathroom.

Bubble bath, soap, strawberry shampoo ,pink toothbrush, hairbrush.

I hung the nightgown I had bought for my Isabella in the bathroom.

I had no idea if she wanted to wear it but didn't want to assume she would be happy to just strip off and be naked in front of me again after all this time. I hung the fluffy pink robe on the hook on the back of the bathroom door, next to my own robe.

Just seeing her new robe beside my robe made my heart skip a beat.

Isabella.

My Isabella.

I had booked us into a nearby small intimate Italian Restaurant, La Bella Italia. I had frequented this restaurant weekly since I moved here, simply because of its name, so the late notice wasn't a drama, I knew they would fit me in and give me the best table.

Alice had been told of my plans and I knew, without asking, she would be dolling Isabella up in a fancy designer dress, from the stash of "samples" she brought home from work, and doing her beautiful hair, and helping her with her make up.

I hurriedly showered and dressed in my best outfit, black dress pants and an emerald green button shirt, and a dinner jacket. All new and unworn. All bought for me by my sister, all unnecessary until this day. I knew Alice would be overjoyed to see me in a shirt that wasn't black. I had simply had no need for color in my life the past few years but now, now I couldn't think of a color bright and happy enough.

The smile on my face almost hurt but it was good pain. It was simply that I had not smiled in nearly six years, my muscles were not used to being used.

I drove as fast as I safely could back to Alice and Jaspers.

I could hear the laughter from outside as I left the car. Emerson was playing some vocal game with Emmett and Jasper, all three voices were competing to be heard over one another.

Rose, Alice Leah and Bella were talking and laughing, their voices coming from Alice's bedroom or bathroom.

I opened the door and flew in, anxious to see my love again. My son ran to meet me.

"Hey, Daddy, guess what, I have another uncle, his name is Emmett, starts with Em, like Emerson, hey!".

I was so happy to see my child so quickly absorbed into my family. I scooped him up in my arms and kissed his face. I walked into the sitting room to find my parents sitting quietly. Carlisle watched as Esme ran to me and hugged me and I hugged her back, just as enthusiastically. The smile on her face could have lit up New York and all surrounding states. I handed my son to her.

I walked to my father and held out my hand. He needed to know, I understood how hard these last years had been. He had effectively lost me as a son and he had been burdened with the knowledge of my own child's existence yet had been powerless to tell me.

He let out the breath he had been holding and pulled me into a hug, patting my back and smiling widely.

"Congratulations son, I have waited for this day for so long."

"Thanks, dad...granddad" I laughed.

Emerson sat on my mother's knee. Tears of joy shone in Esme's eyes as she hugged the small boy against her.

"He is so like you, Edward. I can see Bella in the shape of his face but in everything else, he is all you".

Leah, Alice and Rose came out, grinning, and hugged me. Then we all stood back and watched the amazing angel, the love of my life and the mother of my child, walk into the room.

Alice had dressed her in an emerald green dress that fell softly to her knees, and had an embroidered halter top, showing off her perfect bust. Over her shoulders hung a matching embroidered shawl.

I felt speechless but forced my way over to her, and put my arms around her waist and whispered in her ear .

"Isabella, you are stunning. You take my breath away."

We said our goodbyes, kissed our son Goodnight, and I opened the car door for Isabella . She smiled up at me radiantly.

When we got to the restaurant, the owner greeted me and raised an eyebrow, looking at my companion. No doubt he was shocked, he had never seen me with any women but Alice and Rose.

"Aro, I would like to introduce you to my soon-to- be wife, Isabella".

Isabella laughed and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Aro. I am glad someone has been making him eat properly."

"And I am pleased he finally has a beautiful woman on his arm at last. I was so worried that pretty face of his was going to go to waste."

Aro kissed her hand and led us to a secluded private table by the window, overlooking the river.

"Shall I choose for you both?" he inquired. I always let Aro serve me whatever he chose, his chef , Marcus, was amazing, everything was delicious. I looked at my love and she nodded her agreement.

He walked away and suddenly there was no one else in the world except the two of us.

"Wife-to-be?" Isabella laughed.

"Absolutely, I wouldn't have it any other way" I replied.

I dropped to one knee and held my hand out to her. No time to let her think, I had to secure her to me now. She wanted to do reckless, I could do reckless. Reckless was my favorite thing now.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you with all my heart. We may have been apart but you were always with me, in my heart. Please agree to love me forever as I will love you. Isabella, will you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me? Please?"

"Yes" was all she said.

Yes, the most perfect word ever.

I pulled a velvet box out of my jacket and opened it. There sat an antique gold ring with a diamond then several small colored precious gems on the band.

I took it out and slid it onto Isabella's finger. She held her left hand out and admired the beauty of the ring but it paled by comparison with her own beauty.

She herself is the definition of beauty.

I stood up and she fell into my arms, where she fit perfectly. Finally back in the arms that had ached to hold her, night after night, for so long.

I kissed her lips, they were as soft and delicious as I remembered. I could barely tear myself away from them but I needed to look at her.

Matching grins were on both our faces.

If anyone else told me they proposed to a woman they had just met again after six years I would have thought them insane.

But this was us, this was Edward and Isabella. We were doing reckless.

We were not wasting another day, another hour.

She had been with me in my heart and in my head, insane would be not proposing.

We sat back down reluctantly, I pulled out chairs closely together so we could still look and touch. Too many years of being apart had destroyed any chance of us sitting politely opposite each other like the rest of the patrons.

We kept holding one hand even when our dinner was delivered, and barely noticed what we ate. We didn't even pretend to want desert, and the drive home was full of anticipation and expectations for the rest of the night to play out.

We had talked a lot during dinner, I now knew where Isabella lived, that Charlie had supported her since she moved here so she could be at home full time with Emerson, that she supplemented this with a steady income from her writing and editing part time job that she did from home.

Charlie had visited her every six months, with Sue and Seth but Jacob had never come to see her.

He had been hurt when she simply broke off her involvement with him, especially as it hadn't bothered her at all to switch straight back to being just friends , which was not a way he could revert to being with her.

He had fully expected her to jump at the chance to marry him when he offered , even though he was sure the baby was mine. He had been willing to accept the child regardless of who the father was, even though there was no chance at all it was his. He regretted many things, but deep down the worst part for him was knowing Isabella, in her time of loss and desperate need , had simply used him to try to fill the gap in her heart. He knew he could have been anyone, he was the one allowed simply because he had grabbed the role and announced himself to be her boyfriend and told the other boys they had been demoted to friends.

Had one of the other boys gotten in first, he knew she would have accepted that boy instead. It was always me she craved, but she was happy that at least she didn't keep searching for another replacement, as soon as the baby was born, she was completely satisfied settling for my son, if she couldn't have me. Jacob had just rung her when Jess had died, and she was happy to be back in contact with him again. He had married and had a small son.

I envied his ability to talk to Isabella so easily, to express his feelings for her even when things had not gone the way he wanted. Had I been able to communicate with her, honestly and opening, how much pain would I have spared us? How many years would we have been together by now?

Isabella had never had feelings again for any man. Just as I had never had the slightest feelings for any woman. I had had plenty of offers but it was just like they were offering me a cigarette, since I no longer smoked, it was easy to turn down. I hadn't touched drugs of any kind, since I finished high school. I tried smoking with Jasper for a while after I lost Isabella but it did nothing to fill the void so I just stopped.

We pulled up at my apartment and walked inside. I felt joy and longing and maybe a little nervous. I was an entirely different person to that boy who had taken Isabella's innocence all those years ago. I had worked hard to become a better man, I had grown up instantly the day I left Forks and moved here. My fresh start had allowed me to leave the old selfish, spoiled Edward Cullen behind absolutely. My undying love for Isabella had pushed me on, made me become the man she deserved, even if I had not held out any hope of ever seeing her again, let alone finding that she wanted and loved me as much as I did her.

We walked down to the bedroom. I showed her the bathroom, asked her if she wanted to maybe have a spa bath first? She loved the look of the whirlpool tub so I started filling it, and she stripped off, not even slightly hesitant to be naked in front of me. She then undressed me, and folded our clothes onto the chair then held my hand as we stepped into the tub. I helped her in then sat with my back to the side and pulled her down, between my legs, her back against my chest. I shook my head, I still couldn't believe my luck.

This morning I had woken up a single and heartbroken man living maybe a quarter of a life. My entire focus was work. Jasper called me home and it was like I walked into a parallel universe where Fate didn't hate me. I was going to bed engaged, and with the only woman I had ever loved. There was no-one else out there for me, ever, I knew that. It was either Isabella or I remained alone for eternity.

I put my arms around her and she placed my hands on her breasts, letting out a contented sigh as I gently rubbed them, remembering how much she had liked me to do that before.

My erection sat between us, pushing against her back. She turned and took it in her hand, softly rubbing her fingers up and down my length.

I kissed her and she stood, urging me out of the bath. I grabbed a towel, and started to dry her body but she pulled me into my bedroom, threw the covers back and pulled me into bed with her. I laughed at her, I guess the nightgown was superfluous, she didn't even glance at it.

I lay beside her, determined to do everything right this time. I kissed her passionately, then placed my hands on her soft breasts and began rubbing again, teasing her nipples as they hardened at my touch. I rolled and pinched them and she arched and moaned. I moved one hand down to her hot, wet, very willing center. At first I traced my fingers along her slit, gathering the wetness there, then I pushed two fingers inside and she instantly writhed against my hand. I remembered the last time we did this. I had survived on that memory for so long.

She opened her legs wider and bucked her hips, so I moved above her and entered her warm tightness, home, home at last.

Bella POV

As Edward hovered above me, something snapped in my brain and images started to come through. Memories of Edward being above me like this, feeling him deep inside me, thinking it was his fingers inside, wondering why they felt so much harder and bigger than usual.

"Edward" I cried excitedly "I do remember. I am recalling images of being like this with you before.."

He smiled and kissed me, " I have never forgotten one moment of our one time together. But let it go, let us create a new memory."

I relaxed and felt him rock his body with mine and soon that feeling I had missed so desperately for so long started to gather in my abdomen and warmth spread throughout me. He licked one of his fingers and circled my clit. I started to shake then suddenly the tidal wave hit me and pulled me under as I screamed Edward's name in ecstasy. My walls tightened and he was pulled into following me with his own release, crying my name out loud.

We rocked together as we came back down, and both of us found tears pouring down our faces. There was no doubt, this was us, this was how it was always meant to be. We had missed out on so much, but now we were together, nothing would ever tear us apart again. We lay wrapped in each others arms, laughing out loud with sheer happiness. We were back, we were home.

Edward POV

The tub was still hot so we got back in and just relaxed, exploring each others bodies. I traced the few faint silver lines on her abdomen, proof my child had grown inside her beautiful body. Just as she had given him life, she had given me a life worth living. I kissed each of those lines lovingly, she had been marked as mine all this time.

"Edward" Isabella suddenly said, excitement in her voice.

"Yes, my darling?"

"Remember what you said? That you wanted me to remain a virgin and give myself to a man I loved who loved me back, who was worthy of the honor of being my first?"

"Yes, my darling"

"Well, it did work out that way after all."

I nuzzled her neck and chuckled. Only Isabella would think that way.

She turned and took my now constant erection in her hand.

"All I can say is, boy I must have been really drunk, really really drunk, to mistake this for two of your fingers."

"Isabella, you will be the death of me".

When we finally emerged again, we sat on my bed and I handed her each birthday gift in order. Each box had a small gift tag and a dried wildflower that I picked from our meadow each year when I returned to Forks for Christmas with my parents. It was a yearly pilgrimage and I spent a half day there each time, just lying back and reminiscing. She was the only person who had ever been to the meadow with me so I felt close to her there.

The first tag read "Happy 18th birthday, all my love forever, Edward".

Inside was a gold chain with two half hearts that fit together perfectly. I placed it around her neck and fastened the clasp. The idea was that we each kept one half but there was no way that heart was being divided.

The next box contained a charm bracelet , and the others all contained charms to remind her of our time together, an "I" and an "E"intertwined together, a mermaid for the day we swam in the creek, a little silver Volvo, my first car; a minute bunch of wildflowers to represent our meadow, I had had my jeweler make each one individually for me each year.

I pulled a small box from my jeans pocket from where they lay on the floor from earlier in the day. I handed it to her and inside she found a set of tiny wedding rings to add to the bracelet and a tiny baby rattle, a charm to commemorate the birth of our first son. And a heart shaped diamond, to symbolize my giving my heart to her.

I added these to the bracelet, and promised to give her more charms to celebrate every new event we experienced together.

She insisted on wearing all the jewelery and curled up in bed with my body curled around hers.

We whispered quietly for a while then I noticed her breathing change, and she was asleep. I lay watching her face, my nose buried in her hair, breathing her in. I finally fell asleep and dreamed happy dreams, finally I could dream again but have my real life better than the one I slipped into at night. The world I had taken refuge in since I lost Isabella. The only world were we had been together all this time. If this is all just a dream, then I never want to wake up.

Isabella woke me in the middle of the night. I first thought I was having an erotic dream but when I opened my eyes, her mouth was around my shaft and the sensations were sending me into a state of bliss. I panted and tried to slow down my response, I wanted this to last. This woman was amazing. When I came and she finally moved back up the bed , I kissed her passionately.

"Was that okay? I haven't practiced on any bananas for ages" she cheekily laughed.

I tried to shake the image from my brain but couldn't. I had to ask.

"Did you ever do this with Jake?"

"Nope, as I told Sue and your father, I never actually ever saw Jake's penis".

It made me happy, selfish creature than I am, that this was something she had only ever done with me, for me.

I kissed her passionately and sighed into her mouth. How much more could I possibly love her? My heart seemed expand larger by the second.

She was the only girl I had ever tasted, while it had never bothered me working my mouth on a girls nipples regardless of how many others had done that before me, putting my mouth where many other men had put their penises what not even slightly appealing. Tanya had wailed long and hard and frequently at my refusal. Jess had just accepted it, taken what I was willing to give.

Yet I had done this to Isabella back when I thought what I had been so wrong to think. Somehow I had just had to taste her.

These thoughts made my mouth water at the memory of that day back in my bedroom at my parents house.

I shuffled down the bed and nudged her legs apart and started to taste her, she was as delicious as I recalled. She tasted of me and honey and vanilla and that distinctive flavor that was Isabella. I sucked and nipped at her clit, and pushed my tongue inside her. She started to writhe beneath me and her moans were making my erection spring back hard and strong and eager. I sucked her clit into my mouth and teased it with my tongue. Her walls shuddered and tightened and I lapped at her sweet juices. Ambrosia.

She pulled me up again and kissed my lips, my neck, my ear and whispered desperately

"I need you inside me, now"

What Isabella wants, Isabella gets.

I was more than ready and eager to be at her beck and call for the rest of my life.

I moved above her eager body and keeping eye contact, slowly entered into paradise. This was how it should have been when we were together the first time. Just love and adoration and a pledge that we were going to be together for always. I would never again let her go. She needed and wanted me as much as I did her, and finally I felt I was worthy of her, I had waited for her to come back, I had never tried to replace her or, as Emmett frequently suggested, "fuck her out of my system" with any other woman. I hadn't wanted her out of my system. I wanted her in my arms and in my life and in my bed, forever.


	12. Chapter 12

Innocence Lost..Epilogue

Here comes the bride.

Alice POV.

I always knew it would be me planning their wedding. God knows that pair don't come up for air long enough to plan lunch. I am surprised they manage to keep those poor kids alive. Yep, kids. Sure, only Emerson is out in the world needing to be fed so far.

No sooner had they gotten back together when they discovered Edward's taking of Bella's virginity for the second time ended with the same result as the first time. Pregnancy. I mean, one would expect them, even if just one of them, to have thought about birth control this time. The man remembered to buy rose petals and strawberry shampoo but not condoms.

But no, they were in their bubble, Bella tells me, so once again, my brother got his first and only girlfriend, in the club, the first time he slept with her. Again.

I think we can safely say her virginity is long gone this time. She had just moved into the flat next door when the pregnancy test turned blue, so Emmett and Jasper took a day off , and went around there and moved everything into Edward's apartment, like they should have done in the first place. Now the apartments have been renovated back to the one house it originally was, so there is plenty of room for Emerson and the twins. Yes, twins. This pair never do anything by halves.

Bella doesn't want to be fat in her wedding photos, so the wedding is scheduled for six weeks after the twins are born.

Edward is beside himself with joy. Nobody who met him since we moved here from Forks, recognizes him as the same person .He never smiled, he made no friends, he was driven and moody. His career was his life.

Nuh huh. No more. If he smiles any wider, his face will collapse in on itself. He talks to everyone, anyone, (anyone he can trap into looking at a million photos of Emerson and a dozen ultrasound photos of the twins.) Yep, he is one of those dads.

He does his fair share at work but he never volunteers for extra shifts, he is going into private practice as soon as he qualifies, and he is determine to be a 9 to 5 career man who is home nights and weekends for Bella and the kids.

The day Jasper came into my office and asked me for Edward's house keys, I knew something major had happened. Esme and Carlisle were here staying with us for a week, so later when we went off to lunch at a nice little French Restaurant, Carlisle's phone beeped saying he had a message. He opened it and a grin like I had waited years to see on his face again, lit his eyes. He handed the phone to Esme, who promptly burst into tears so I took it from her fearing the worst. The photo on the screen made no sense. Edward...and Bella, but an older Bella from when we last saw her.. and a child, a boy, aged 5 or 6. A boy with Bella's heart shaped face , but Edwards emerald eyes and copper hair. His smile was slightly crooked, an exact copy of the smile on Edwards face.. Edward..smiling.

I looked at my father.

"Meet your nephew, I believe his name is Edward Emerson Jasper Cullen Swan though by the look of it, I think the Swan part will be gone soon."

"How do you know?Why didn't I know?"

"I know because I delivered him five and half years ago and I made a copy of his birth certificate. Why you don't know is a long , sad, complicated story that is not mine to tell. But I am sure you will know the whole thing tonight."

I looked at my mother.

"What size clothes would a boy that age wear?"

"Yes" cried Esme and off we went.. to shop...for my nephew.

While we were out, we looked at some wedding dresses. Its not easy to imagine the Bella belly gone again and how slim will she be only six weeks after delivering twins? What style will be the most flattering?. Bella is no help, she assures me she is happy to get married in her sweats. Edward simply added he prefers her out of them...and to think this pair are allowed to breed.

Bella then offered it would probably be good if the skirt was not too long, to allow Edward easy access...I have no doubt they will be under the table at the reception conceiving triplets in their little Edward and Bella bubble, where contraception doesn't exist, apparently.

I love them both so much but I am still amazed that Edward has never been upset about the fact he didn't know of his son's existence for over five years. I was expecting him to be beyond furious but all he has ever said was he brought it on himself and that was the price he had to pay. He is so grateful that Bella had the baby and kept him, and didn't give him away to strangers to raise.

Who knows how he will react to anything these days? He was so excited the day Bella found out she was pregnant again. This time he was there from conception and he has basked in every craving, he thinks driving at 3am trying to find a shop open selling peppermint chip ice cream is an honor. He has to be pried away from Bella to go to work and he is home the second he can be.

Emerson is such a blessing. We all adore him, especially Jasper, they have a tight bond. And Emmett has a playmate his own maturity level.

Jasper gets to be best man at the wedding because Edward knows it was down to him that fateful day he saw Emerson and Bella outside the ice cream parlor. He says he owes Jasper his happiness, his future, his meaningful life. I think he would marry Jasper if Bella wasn't so keen on becoming Mrs Edward Cullen herself. Leah will be maid of honor, Rose and I bridesmaids and Jacob is going to be a groomsman, along with Emmett.

Finally, in the middle of the night last night, the call we were all waiting for, came. Bella's water broke. Carlisle comes out of the delivery room to give us regular updates, its not like anything would lure Edward from Bella's side. The due date was not for another three weeks but Carlisle assures us, all will be well. The babies are active and eager to be born.

Edward is gowned up , as is Carlisle but the ob attending Bella is a little reluctant to hand over the final moment of glory to those two.

Carlisle suddenly checked his pager and called out "Its showtime, folks" and ran back into the delivery suite. Twenty anxious minutes later the door swings open.

There stands my beautiful brother, with a tiny pink wrapped bundle in his arms. Beside him stands my father with a slightly larger blue bundle. We all rush over.

"Who delivered them?" asks Emmett.

"I did" says an ecstatic Edward. I hope he didn't knock the ob out so he could take over.

Baby girl is handed to Esme and I get to hold my new nephew.

Edward proudly tells us the names then dashes back to his precious Bella. Sheesh, one would think she was in danger of evaporating if he leaves her for more than five minutes.

Esme looks into the face of her first granddaughter and welcomes Charlise Alice Rose Esme to the family. Emmett gets the initials and immediately nicknames her Care Bear.

I smile down at Masen Emmett Charles Carlisle. One thing, if they keep giving their kids so many names, they will run out and have to stop having them.

Emerson seems more impressed with the new set of Lego his siblings gave him as a gift than with the babies themselves.

We hand the babies on. Rose takes Charlise and cries tears of joy into her blanket. Emmett holds Masen and announces he wants at least ten sons.

Jasper smiles a secret smile at me. I smile back. Plenty of time to announce our news. Put it this way, in six months time, this pair of babies will have a cousin. But today is their day.

We troop in to see Bella, who is considerably thinner. There's hope she will fit a fairly sleek satin wedding dress after all, now she has nine weeks to lose any extra weight.

A nurse is filling out the registration forms for the birth certificates.

Mother's name. Bella blushes and looks sideways at me.

What's her problem, I am sure there are as many unmarried moms as married these days.

Edward answers the nurse, his voice bursting with pride.

"Isabella Marie Cullen".

"Not Cullen quite yet, another nine weeks to go", I remind him.

"Uh uh, sorry Alice" says Bella.

"What did you do?" I yell at my brother.

"I took my beautiful Isabella to the courthouse a week after Jasper brought her back to me and married her of course" he replies.

"You waited a whole week?" pipes up Emmett.

"I am surprised"

Why am I surprised? Like he would have risked her getting away from him again.

"Then why are we having a wedding in nine weeks?" I ask.

"That's to keep you happy, Alice darling" says Bella.

"I know" pipes up Emmett"How's about we make it a wedding for me and Rose and a reaffirmation of vows for Edward and Bella?"

"Emmett" screams Rose. "I will not be proposed to in a delivery suite".

"At least I didn't wait until you were in here delivering our baby" he replied.

"What?".

"Yep, Rosie is going to need a nice big expanding wedding dress" says Emmett. Rose slaps him over the back of the head.

Bella sits on her bed holding her babies and smiling at the whole circus.

"God, I missed you people" she says.

"When are you due, Rose?" Jasper asks.

" Four months" answers Emmett.

So, now I have two weddings, a new niece or nephew needing a nursery, Jasper and I have to find a house to buy, what else, at some point I am going to need to take a break and deliver my own child.

Edward climbs up on Bella's bed and takes baby Masen from her arms. He kisses her and puts his free arm around her back.

"You know we have to wait six weeks, right?" says Bella.

"Yes, lucky we had our night of romance last night" he says.

"And now the wedding isn't for nine weeks, we will be able to have a real honeymoon."

OMG. Will he ever leave this poor woman alone? I doubt it. Her smile says it all.

He better not even try to.

* * *

The End

A/N I would like to thank everyone for reading, for reviewing, I hoped in my heart I would be lucky enough to get 50 feedback for my first story and I was so thrilled when that happened. Thank you so much everyone who reviewed. Thanks to Ilovecarlisle for keeping me on my toes. Your private messages were invaluable. I am writing another story so please put me on author alert if you want to read it. I will probably write it all before posting the first chapter as I hate it when authors abandon stories I am reading and so I will only start posting if I do indeed finish it first.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, my best wishes to you all.


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